Odd Canals Part 1: Cursed Map

Published: 2020-01-23, edited: 2020-01-27

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Odd Canals

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Game: Civilization V, Sid Meier's

Odd Canals Part 0: An Existential Crisis As Portrayed By Civ AIs

Images: 15, author: PoblanoLimozeen, published: 2020-01-23

Hello everyone, and welcome to Odd Canals, the ai game where every decision made in the making is baffling, and I have a feeling the AI will create some equally baffling decisions as well. I am your host JDT1706 (Not on reddit cos my nation blocks the site, in which case, hi Reddit!) and today I am honored to narrate the first part of a new BR from the twisted mind of Poblano. Starting off here, we have the twin states of Massachusetts and Connecticut out here in their little old isle. Being placed so close together, it is inevitable that only 1 state can leave this start alive, and Massachusetts is staking their claim to be the survivor with the settlement of Worcester. However, bear in mind that Connecticut also has a settler who can move out beyond yonder, and has 3 warriors to Massachusetts's 2. Therefore, it is not implausible that an early war may be in Connecticut's favor.
Over here in the triangle shaped continent, we have the isolated men of Muscat. While Zanzibar was unfortunately omitted from this royale, perhaps Saif Bin Sultan can make us proud by bringing his plucky nation to victory. This is not at all implausible, as they have tonnes of empty land in the right angled triangle and several neighbors to pick fights with. However, at the moment, Saif has his dreams in the back of his mind. Right now, he'd rather admire the view of his new coastal city Salalah, unaware a continent away we spy on him from the magic mountain sub (tm) (On another note, what the hell did you do to make the sub float Poblo)
Over here in the circular plains, we have Scizzor-Fingers Indira Gandhi, relaxing calmly in the quietness of her lagoon. It is important to remember, however, that she shares a landmass with Massachusetts and Connecticut, both civs with caravel UUs, and she herself will soon find out she is not alone when the Massachutonian scout comes her way. To make matters worse for Indira, there are no desert tiles to be found in her lands, severely limiting the viability of her uranium-churning UB. While she still has the benefit of a massive cut of resources, and a helluvaton of bison giving massive amounts of production, she must be wary of the americans to the south of her, especially prior to getting nukes (Just like the person who shares her last name, she has a 12 nuke and usenuke bias, and her UU gives uranium when stationed in a city)
Over to the south, we get a look at Omans two primary rivals- Brazil and the Manx. The Manx have a pretty good start with the only hills on this face of the continent bolstering their engineer-centric UA even further, and Castletown being coastal may be crucial for further expansion. However, Brazil also don't have a terrible start and may cut off a path to the north for the Manx with the settlement of Sao Salvador. Speaking about Brazil, they also have the interesting option of going up north to contest Oman, though the lack of natural resources may temporarily put off Pedro from going up north. Interestingly, Pedro has also not settled a coastal city yet, though his GG-based UA and presence of a land-based UU may justify some inland settling.
We get a look at the twin snakes and the eastern end of the cramped continent. Konbaung is sending a settler down to claim some more sweet, sweet clay, and I'm sure there's clay a plenty where they're at. Meanwhile on the other snake, Buganda has settled the city of Mengo and currently has their bit of the fertile isle to themselves, but better start moving quick if they want to get ahead. Finally, we get a glimpse of Corsica. They have a rather sheltered, start with some good expansion opportunities, and with some good settling they may just become a dominant power.
We take a quick gander to Selim I and his sheltered start I would call toilet bowl bay. Selim's UA and UB should do him good against his foes, especially those with weaker starts. That is, if he finds many. Selim has one of the most isolated starts in this royale, and has lots of space for expansion and corridors for defense. Only time will tell if he will use his excellent position.
Over to the south (which looks awfully like South Africa to an extent) , we get a good look at Russia and Kilwa. Kilwa will not get a chance to use their UU, as they have been blocked off from access to the open seas, just like us men who end up going to somewhere we don't want due to uncontrollable circumstances. Russia, meanwhile, have a couple of good avenues (They are literally the size of avenues) for expansion, though they might want to hurry because Corsica is dead north.
Over here, we get an immediate look at what may be a hopeless situation. Lincoln has completely backed Nepal into a corner in turn 5, although tbf Nepal seems to have no interest in expansion, and it is very likely that we'll see the mountain boys sit around in their sad little domain with a sad little pool surrounded by sad little mountains. This is so sad guys. Can we get likes for Nepal?

In other news, Lincoln will have to move quick. Tahiti will very quickly contest his claims to expansion down south, so staking his claim to a good core and getting to the isle of endless o spirals or the power button shaped isles is a must for his chances at success.
At the end of the snake, in an area I would like to call Stomata bay, we have Chola, the Tamil Kings of the sea. Chola tends to be pretty expansive, and have good naval uniques and biases to boot, so they should do pretty well even with the poor immediate location.
At the hellishly shaped snake island, we get a good look at the Durrani, who are off to a pretty decent start. They have a 3 pop capital and a 2nd city up and running, and one of the most fertile, if nightmarish to traverse, locales in this cursed realm. Furthermore, they have one of those hexagonal isles open to themselves, a prime place to use their mountain based uniques.
We get a glance to see the "mighty" empires of Rhodeisa and Hawaii. Rhodesia has a pretty decent start out here, with plenty of fertile lands, open coasts and a good splattering of mountains to protect them. Meanwhile, Hawaii hasn't moved their second settler and appear to be trapped in a very big beach.
Speaking of the sad island, we get a better view of the Tahitian empire. Their incredibly hilly start guarantees a boatload of production, and the presence of spearmen gives them a military edge over the Yankees up north. If they settle well, they may find themselves in a very powerful position to expand outwards. Oh yeah, and can I cry crocodile tears for Nepal so we can get 20 likes on r/civ?
We move on over to even more cursed Florida where Santa Ana rests. He has tonnes of land all to himself, but he is off to a more sluggish start than some other civs. It is no matter of course. He has multiple routes to expansion, like uncomfortably close Puerto Rico, or half of a bull translated into an island. Looking at the minimap unironically gives me a mild migrane, though I have a feeling it'll only get worse.
We move on over to the meat of Isla Hamburguer, where we see Greece and Poland, two civs both locked out of their uniques. I don't have much faith in either civ if I'm being real here, although speaking about faith, Poland starts next to Uluru. Good for them, because they'll need to start praying quick if they want to escape a very cursed start.
We take a gander over to party island to see that Kilwa has settled the new city of Zanzibar in the entrance of one of the endless amount of bottlenecks, and get a good hard look at Millard Fillmore. Fillmore does not know why he is here. Fillmore does not know why he is made to suffer. Please pray for him. Actually, he may be fine, since he has a lot of buffalo (though unfortunately Buffalo does not have any buffalo) and a good jungle start to get himself asserted, and maybe cut off Hawaii and Kilwa from the coast in the process.
We move back over to see our Burmese buddies Konbaung are doing just fine, having just settled their 2nd city Inwa. They should really beef up on military though. We also get a good look at Bob Hawkes Australia. With a good amount of space to his north, south, west and east, Hawke has a lot of option to expand. He better make sure to keep Konbaung and Buganda in check however, and of course survive until his paratrooper UU.
Down in the top of Isla Hamburguer and next to Kraktoa translated into bad C++ code, we have a look at the sleepy dragons of Tibet, They have a rather isolated start, being unable to reach Krakatoa until astronomy, but hey, at least they have lots of resources and mountains to work with.
Connecticut settles the city of Bridgeport right next to Massachusetts's domain. It isn't a bad city, setting a stepping stone for potential Conneticuttese dominance, and thankfully for the inhabitants of Bridgeport, Massachusetts doesn't have much of a military to take it at the moment.

Poland goes north with their second city instead of challenging the Grecian eastward expansion. Seems like a regretable choice considering the only good land is by the river(for freshwater).
We get a look at Angola down in shotgun isle. They have recently settled the dispartate city of Huambo in the edge of the spiral isles, notable only for the fallout tile, the presence of some salt and of course King Solomons Mines not too far away. Of course, I'd imagine the inhabitants would be rather salty right now , given their lack of any resources.
Hawaii make the mistake of settling the city of Waikiki instead of attempting to break out of their conch shell shaped coffin. With that idiotic settle, Fillmore now has a chance to completely kill any hopes of Hawaiian expansion by plugging that hole currently giving the tiny state a portal to the outside world. I guess the Hawaiians really like sand, and think that a river is enough water to make it a beach.
It's not an official AI game until someone picks the AI pantheon, which Tibet does thanks to their faith/food from worked mountain tiles.
Indira appears to be doing well for herself, settling a whopping 4 cities up in birdshead bay. Massachusetts and Connecticut watch on enviously, though the former may have plans for expansion in the near future.
As expected, Poland grabs the second pantheon of the game, and as expected, they pick Desert Folklore. This may really help them in picking up a religion early.
Russia gets blocked off one avenue of expansion by the daring Corsicans, settling Portivechju right up in Alexanders nose. An even more depressed Alexander and a bunch of sad settlers will be forced to move closer towards Kilwa.
Selim has officially founded one of the first pantheons in the game, going for stone circles. It does not seem to be all too useful, given the presence of exactly 1 stone resource in their borders. Their cities are growing pretty large however.
On turn 25, we get a quick little pop up showing that Tahiti leads the pack in manpower by a large 200 point margin. Afterwards, it becomes much more even with Rhodesia, Gandhi, Poland, Fillmore and Angola each around 200 points.
Massachusetts have settled Springfield, cutting Connecticut off most settling opportunities until astronomy. Maybe by then their UU and grand sea access will come into use? In the meantime, that one Connecticut settler will probably hang around the capital, forgotten, eagerly awaiting a day that may not come.
Chola has been off to a pretty good start, settling three cities in rapid succession and forcing Buganda up north. Their first two cities are also up to a pretty good size, although Buganda's cities are of similar stature. This must be one nutritious noodle.
Fillmore settles Baltimore in between his two New York state cities, making a nice little fertile triangle. He'd want to move to the great plains soon enough though
Not long after Selim gets his pantheon, Oman picks up religious settlements. That may be helpful in grabbing new resources in further settles.
Russia settles Kiev just by Kilwa Kiswani,encroaching closer towards the lands of the trade kings of east africa. However, a war between the two would be an even affair in my eyes. Kilwa of course is not behind catching up to their neighbours in green and is sending a settler up north.
Rhodesia shows themselves to be great colonizers, going up to 4 cities already with at least one more settler heading out west. Rhodesia has the potential to assert themselves as a dominant power if they keep this up. Meanwhile, Hawaii is trying to imitate their neighbours up north, with the presence of a new settler just by Honolulu.
Tahiti picks up a pantheon and Angola takes the Great Lighthouse. While Oral Tradition is nice in a jungley start, Angola getting the lighthouse is arguably more important. The extra movement for naval units will be crucial in a game where waterways are a part of life, so this may highly bolster Angolas future prospect.
We look over to the quiet lands of Angola. Despite the completion of the Great Lighthouse, I'm going to be real with you guys, Angolas not looking too hot. Perhaps settling on the island that can be taken as a pathway to hell was a bad idea, and the lack of another settler doesn't soothe my worries for this plucky nation.
We take a gander to triangle isle to see that Brazil has been aggressively settling towards Manx, with Recife being the latest in a series of efforts to box in the islanders. Despite those aggressive settles and pretty decent cities, Brazils army is quite spread out while the Manxish force is concentrated around Douglas. A war may result in unwanted consequences for Pedro, especially with a Manx settler going out to claim new land.
We look back to have a good look at everyones favourite slavic lads. They have recently picked up Goddess of the Hunt, which will help in boosting St. Petersburgs population up even further, but is otherwise inconsequential. The Russians are also running out of space to settle, what with Corsica and Kilwa cutting off their routes out of the corner. Alexander needs to muster his forces for an assault or risk getting depressed and being left in the dust by his neighbours.
We take a pit stop to Casimirs social policy tree. He has gotten Organized Religion and a Rationalism belief from his randoms, so he's not turning out too bad. We also get a glimpse of the new Polish city of Wilno and the twin nations working on settlers to further their nations glory.
We see the newly settled Kilwan city of Mombasa by the mountains and incense, while Fillmore has a fourth settler on the ready. Hawaiis settler, however, seems to be... on a mountain? This can't be right. Anyways, going with the logic of this game, Poland founds Tengriism in Krakow, one of the first religions in the game. Guess thats where the Winged Hussars came from.
Over by this side, we observe the great expanse, a massive hunk of unclaimed land ripe for colonization. Rhodesia and the Ottomans should get into a settling war over the valuable territory, with a Rhodesian settler about to plonk down and the Ottoman city of Gaziantep in the Tunisia-shaped tunnel leading to the expanse. We also finally see where the Hawaiian settler is going (Probably somewhere near the Barringer Crater) and admire Fillmores new city of Cincinnati, a bulwark against northern foes.
If I were Alaungpaya right now, I would be mortified, heartbroken, appalled and furious. Just as Konbaung was about to expand its snaky daung, Corsica waltzs in and settles U Caterghju, blocking further expansion south! Alaungpaya will not be pleased.
Hawaii settles the new city of Hilo at the corner of the cradle and Fillmore seems to be quite swole. He has four cities, all of which are good in different ways, and have an army dwarfing their two immediate neighbours. As if to further assert his dominance, ScoutCon Seaside 3445 BC has half its members be American.
As expected, the city of Peel has been settled , and the Manx have another settler ready to go. However, it appears that Oman and Brazil have conveniently blocked off any further expansion north. Illiam needs to hope Brazil lets him pass, or the Manx will need to take up arms against the Brazillians. Problem is- neither side has much of an army.
Kilwa crosses their lake to create the new city of Malindi, and I can smell a war brewing between Corsica and Russia. Speaking of Russia, HOT DAMN LOOK AT THAT ARMY! Alexander has been hitting the gym since we last saw him! Maybe he won't be so cornered after all!
Lincoln settles Albany at the east coast, but I'd bet the people of Albany wish they were under the domain of the other America, cos Tahiti has a massive army right by Lincolns doorstep. A war will go disasterously for the USA, so Lincoln better hope Tahiti is a big joker right now. Meanwhile, the city state of Kathmandu FINALLY sends a settler out, but at this point, it's too little, too late. Nepal have already lost from turn 5, and a new city with no hope of connection won't resolve their grievances
Back on the birds head bay, Indira has built up a decent core for herself, with a pretty large army of warriors, archers and spears. However, Massachusetts has settled the nice, tasty undefended city of Lexington right by her doorstep, and a quick snack wouldn't hurt would it?
JDT fell ill after writing the previous slide, so wish him well.

Back to the actual game, Greece founds God of War as a portent of things to come.
Angola gets a second wonder, building the Temple of Artemis which should help their food.

The city of Waikiki grows to claim a bison tile on the other side of the mountains. This prevents all other civs from settling the coast, as the AI will never settle adjacent to another civs tiles.
Indira declares war on Connecticut, and Lexington does not seem long for this world.
religion things
Nepal gets the Great Library, so their start isn't allllll terrible.
Selim founds a city which is almost physically impossible to take.
Tahiti declares war on Lincoln. With proper focusing, Albany could be taken.
Alexander refuses to be boxed in by the Kilwa and Corsica, declaring war on the former. He's even built a trireme to help capture Kilwa Kiswani!
Tibet is the second civ to a religion, and that improves their bonus towards mountain food and faith.
Bob Hawke, the beloved prime minister of Australia, commissions a Statue of Zeus. An important wonder in a domination game, especially one where cities will be hard to capture.
Indira razes Lexington so quickly I missed the capture!
Things are not looking great for the Kilwa.
A turn later, and things are *really* not looking great for the Kilwa.
Tahiti has not been focusing properly.
Alexander captures the Kilwa capital and peaces out immediately, content with his gains. I can't help but feel he could have gotten more though.
Indira just really didn't feel like building a courthouse in Lexington, huh. She builds Calcutta on its spot.
Konbaung settled around the western side of the snake island to settle 2 cities south of Corsica's settle.
Tahiti fucked up, and settles for a white peace.
Corsica, upset at Alexander's gains, declares war, but this front is impossible to push through for either side.
The Manx backdoor squad is extremely real, as Mann looks to engulf the Brazilian Empire entirely.
Sorry fans of war: Massachusetts and Connecticut are BFFs for life.
The Manx plant a second city west of Brazil. Not a great situation for Brazil to be in.
Millard Fillmore is jealous of Alexander's gains against the Kilwa and tries to copy him. But can he get the same results?
Angola settles a second city on the mostly useless desert spiral isle
Mombasa falls to yellow, but Fillmore's frontline army is really thin.
Oh man! Oh God! a religion for Oman.
Mombasa slips to red, but I see Kilwa reinforcements around Zanzibar waiting to come to Mombasa's aid.
3 turns later, and the situation has not changed except Fillmore's army is now almost exclusively warriors on the front line.
Buganda founds a religion.
Mombasa is slowly regenning its health as the American attack falters.
What this game truly needed was more cities on the useless desert spiral isle.
Greece founds a religion, but that Polish army is looking scary.
Kilwa founds a religion as Mombasa continues to regain health.
Corsica grabs what is I believe the final religion of the game. Due to accidentally deleting a screenshot, I wasn't able to show this, but Corsica grabbed stonehenge, but didn't found a pantheon before Poland enhanced their religion. This meant they hit 200+ faith and founded a religion without founding a pantheon.
Yangon for just one more slide- Konbaung breaks free of their starting continent to settle a key strategic isle between the snakes.
For our final slide, we see Mombasa has completely healed up, but Fillmore has some scary Chariot archers on his side.

Find out next time on Odd Canals Z Kai: Part 2

Next chapter:

Game: Civilization V, Sid Meier's

Odd Canals Part 2: A land Before Astronomy

Images: 39, author: PoblanoLimozeen, published: 2020-01-23, edited: 2020-02-02

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