MEIOU&Taxes 2.0 Brittany AAR/Mod Showcase -- Part 18: Nantes Falls

Another week, another part.

You know, this used to be biweekly once, which justified the slow pace of the parts, but then I got tired of that as I spent four nights a week making a dumb AAR. Not sure how to solve this problem, besides covering way less stuff each part and leaving out a lot of detail. Eh, maybe I'll do just that next time.

Anyways, time to continue.

oh for fuck's sake every time i get into a war my light ships are attacked because i didn't move them to safety beforehand. EVERY. SINGLE. FUCKING. TIME.

Thankfully I managed to pull out my ships before they took much damage.

Just in time I have enough sword mana to unlock the next mil tech, giving me a small advantage.

owo what's this

The Pope has heard of Artur's plans to proselytize Africans and has an offer: Artur will have full control of the church abroad and in return... well, just read the tooltip.

Neat. I wonder how much the Papal States will get from our tiny trade posts.

This also gives me the ability to appoint a Prelate, which is pretty cool.

Here's the requirements for getting a Prelate. I now have authority over the Breton church, apparently.

Here's the effects. A prelate helps a lot with Papal Influence, mostly.

The bishop of Rennes has now been bestowed with the title of prelate, but because the game assumes your religious head is in your capital, the modifier appears in Nantes instead.

I'm a bit confused as to what this prelate is supposed to be, as in the real world prelate usually refers to bishops and abbots or rulers of prelatures (which I don't have).

Oh right there's a war going on, almost forgot.

Spain has occupied their war goal and is now ominously approaching Aragon. Meanwhile the army of Burgundy marches south and approaches Brittany, equally ominously.

Another bonus from that church decision. Basically completely useless unless I found a colonial nation.

Ireland does not remain united for long as civil war breaks out. The clans are not happy with the ruler's leadership and his aspirations to found a royal dynasty.

History lessons while playing, I fucking love it. I'm not even being ironic.

More historical background for this whole thing:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Padroado
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Romanus_Pontifex

oh fuk

Uuinmael the Unlucky Conquistador is leading the army and decides to retreat when the armies of both Aragon and Burgundy approach.

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

The death bells of Bulgaria ring as the Ottos attack.

I really liked the Bulgarian Empire this game, I had never seen it so big and glorious before. Alas, all good things must come to an end. ;(

The Burgundians once again besiege Constentin, still bitter about Brittany taking it. Uuinmael bravely runs away to Nantes.

Artur calls him a coward and orders him to lead the army south and attack Aragon.

Oh great, a plague is just what I needed.

The Breton fleet leaves the port of Cherbourc as the town falls to the Burgundians. It only took them a month to overrun the entire peninsula.

The Bretons manage to catch the Aragonese as they march across Aquitaine. Felip has cannons, but Uuinmael has more cavalry, footmen and morale.

Casualties are heavy, but the battle is won and the Aragonese are forced to retreat. Just in time too, as the Burgundians approach.

Uuinmael's army is almost caught in Navarre, but escapes just in time.

My palms got sweaty when I played. Fuck me, it was really close.

You might've noticed the French attacking the Aquitainians. Indeed, war has been declared, and England has come to save its former vassal.

The Burgundians are blocking the way in the west and an Aragonese castle is blocking the way in the east. And so, Uuinmael's army does what any army loves to do: loot.

The bishop of Rennes has died, but now Artur can choose who his successor will be instead of letting Rome decide. Artur decides to select a candidate most likely to recognize his divine authority.

Another great thing about this whole patronage thing: I can now CHOOSE what religious head I have. Thank fuck. I mean thank God.

In Africa, the Fulo tribes are quickly subjugated and their lands partitioned by Jolof and Mali.

Artur forms the West Africa Trade Company by granting a Ducal charter to a group of merchants that requested it. The company now has a monopoly on all trade south of the Canary islands.

Trade Company effects are a little different from vanilla. Also, for some reason religious unity is affected by trade company provinces, which must be a bug.

Now that the damaged ships in the fleet have been repaired, Gaël, who has been granted the title of Admiral, decides to attack the Burgundians.

The outnumbered and outgunned enemy has little hope of victory.

The new bishop of Rennes, Yvo de Mayeuc, is as loyal as Artur hoped.

yay i'm getting papal influence again

not that it is useful for anything, really...

Arroux has been captured and one other ship sunk as the Burgundians retreat.

shit

The main Burgundian army has marched all the way to Nantes and besieged the city. Artur and the ducal court retreated days before, showing clearly how much confidence Artur has in God protecting his capital. Meanwhile a smaller Aragonese army besieges Rennes.

The Burgundian heavy artillery begins mercilessly pounding the outdated stone walls of Nantes. The explosions are ceaseless as one cannonball after another is shot.

Meanwhile Uuinmael's troops have fun pillaging the Aragonese countryside. A letter arrives from Duke Artur, asking where the fuck they are (even though he ordered them to Aragon in the first place), and so the army begins its long march home.

The rebels have the upper hand and it's not looking good for the Irish ruler.

Aunis comes under siege too while Uuinmael's men march across Spain. Aragon, having been left completely defenceless, is sacked and burned by Spaniards as one town and castle after another surrenders.

The small Burgundian force is beaten and two thirds of their army killed, wounded or taken prisoner.

Uuinmael's victorious army continues north. They have no chance against the large Burgundian army, but the Aragonese army is much smaller. Can they make it in time before the defenders of Rennes surrender?

I interrupt this AAR to show you the state of Europe in 1477.

Hey now that Mali has taken a visible province from the Fulo I can click on it and see their capita--

HOLY SHIET

that's a big capital you have there

Before you say that this is ridiculous, read this: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Niani,_Guinea

"100,000 inhabitants", "centre of trade and commerce", "area around Niani was once densely populated". At game start Niani probably had around 10 urban pops but grew from there.

aFrIcAnS wErE bAcKwArDs BaRbArIaNs bEfOrE tHe WhItE mAn CaMe

also, if I see you post a single annoying "NANI?!" joke in the comments, you are already dead.

Anyways, back to the war.

Uuinmael's army comes to rescue Rennes and attacks the outnumbered Aragonese.

Victory! But once again the infantry took most of the casualties. One regiment even has only 22 men left. It'll take a while for the army to recover from this triumph.

oh yeah the plague kinda forgot about that

Lucklily for us, Burgundy and its many large cities are badly hit by the plague. England suffers too.

Brittany does not suffer too badly, and the most populated provinces, Bro Dreger and Constentin, only have mild plagues.

Bro Gernev has accumulated enough urban wealth to build a marketplace, neat. Brest is quickly becoming an important city in Brittany.

Spain's new Granadan acquisitions suffer the most from the plague, but as it is fairly weak the rest of the peninsula should be mostly spared.

The walls of Nantes, built by Charles himself a century ago, crumble and collapse under the bombardment of the enemy. The garrison's morale plummets as Burgundians assault the city itself, enemy soldiers running down the streets and killing anyone in their path.

Both Artur and Uuinmael feel powerless as the enemy army is too strong and too determined in capturing the capital. The former prays for God's help, the latter gets drunk from alcohol.

Artur's mood is not much improved when news come that plague has wreaked havoc in his duchy. Clearly, someone has sinned a lot, but it obviously wasn't him. He's a very pious man, I assure you.

Oh and also the ducal coffers are empty and a loan must be taken. Just fuck me up famalam.

Barcelona is under siege and France is about to occupy all of Aquitaine. The Spaniards are unlikely to come to our aid soon.

In these troubling and dark times, Yvo, the bishop of Rennes, declares that all men and women must pay homage to Artur, for his rule is divine. It is the duty of soldiers to die in the name of God, protecting their liege from impious invaders.

Artur may or may not have demanded I MEAN encouraged the bishop to make such a declaration to confirm his holy authority. His zealous mother Isabeau could not be prouder of her son.

"Dei Gratia"? *Cinemasins voice* Roll credits!

Soon afterwards Nantes falls. *Cinemasins voice* Roll credits!

Uuinmael is retaking Constentin, and the siege is going fast.

The city and its surrounding countryside is in a sorry state. Ravaging soldiers and the grim raper have left behind mountains of corpses and made many homes empty. Nantes surrendered, but received little mercy as soldiers still looted it. Thousands of citizens had perished during and after the siege and the city was set on fire, but it did not spread very far before being extinguished. But that brought little relief to the desperate citizens, who now faced an occupation by the Aragonese that cared little about upholding the law and robbed citizens whenever they felt like it.

It is the darkest hour of Brittany.

The small garrison of Constentin can barely hold on, as each day a town or castle surrenders.

-96% defensiveness, holy shit. Never seen it so low.

Here's all the reasons why it's so shit.

And after 21 days, the Navarrese garrison surrenders.

The career of Gaël comes to an abrupt end as he dies while blockading Burgundian Netherlands. He would get a statue in Nantes celebrating his explorations and discoveries. But that statue would not be erected for many years to come and would certainly not look like him at all, as no one ever recorded his appearance.

The victorious army of Burgundy leaves with the spoils of victory and marches south. This gives Uuinmael an opportunity to retake the capital.

Crap nevermind I need six thousand men for that

Brittany's population has dropped enough for its international importance level to decrease.

I should get the level back up fairly soon as I only need 4 pops for that.

for fuck's sake why is the localization broken

Tyrconnell's civil war ends in a bloody coup d'etat as the former ruler and his heir are murdered. The new king is Niall Caribre, a highly talented military leader who led the rebellious clans to victory. Unfortunately, his rulership skills are pitiful.

A military leader of a rebellion seizing power and becoming an incompetent ruler? I feel like at least half of African countries have experienced that.

Oh fucking great. There go my hopes of seeing the clans of Ireland united and a kingdom being formed.

Unexpectedly, the dynasty of de Valois and the endless stream of kings called Louis comes to an end as Henri from Milan inherits the throne. He continues the war of his predecessor.

Count all the skulls you can see on the screen.

Like I predicted, Iberia has been spared. Italy, most of Germany and southern France have been spared as well.

Paris is back down to 16 urban pops after a terrible plague outbreak.

Not sure how Italy keeps avoiding bad plague epidemics despite having so much urban pop everywhere.

Western Anatolia is hit fairly lightly. The Ottoman capital only gets a mild plague.

The Breton army has gathered enough reinforcements for the siege of Nantes. Let's just hope the Burgundian bastards don't come back.

The French are landing an invasion force on English soil. Seems like the English navy still hasn't recovered from the ass pounding I gave it years ago, as it can't even defeat the pitiful French fleet.

The fleet blockading Netherlands is recalled home to help with the recapture of Nantes. This will unfortunately allow for the Burgundians to move their big fleet out of their port.

Sussex has already fallen to French invaders and now Kent comes under siege.

uh oh, reform desire is over 100%. The church councils have failed completely to reform the church and people complain louder and louder.

King Enrique himself leads his men against the Burgundians who have arrived from the north and liberated Tarragona. The battle is brutal and despite outnumbering the foe two to one, difficult for the Spaniards. But they have brought a lot of guns...

And finally, the Spaniards stand victorious once more. At this point, the army is gaining a reputation of being impossible to defeat.

The retreating remnants of the enemy are caught and swiftly forced to surrender while the Bretons try to retake their capital and while the Aragonese besiege the cities of Aunis.

...

for fuck's sake, the Great Bulgarian Empire was even annexing its vassals during the war, and now you do this...

Now cracks a noble heart. Goodnight, sweet prince;
And flights of angels sing thee to thy rest.

#FuckKebab

wait why the fuck am i getting emotional about a coloured blob on a video game map

Nantes falls again (*Cinemasins voice* Roll credits!), this time to the Bretons. Duke Artur is welcomed back to his capital in a great celebratory parade and is hailed as the Liberator, even though Uuinmael, his officers and his soldiers did all of the work.

The army has no time to party with the citizens as they must save Aunis from the Aragonese.

The enemy is surrounded and given two options: be driven into the sea or surrender. They wisely choose the latter.

Dozens of cannons are captured, but as Brittany has no artillery regiments they are dispersed amongst the men, most of which will sell them to the highest bidder.

Brittany is safe and all invaders have been repulsed. The Breton fleet sails back to the Netherlands. Meanwhile the Spaniards, having finished the occupation of Aragon, invade Burgundian Burgundy. The French continue besieging Kent, now with a bigger army, and even get more reinforcements.

I was distracted by other things when I suddenly noticed the Burgundian fleet. Before I could do anything, my fleet's movement was locked and it met the big Burgundian flotilla in battle. Because the enemy morale is so much lower than mine, I decide to fight as long as possible instead of retreating.

People say god is angry at Artur, Artur says people are cunts who should shut the fuck up.

Three Burgundian light ships have already been sunk, and my ships have taken little damage. Looking good so far.

G L O R I O U S V I C T O--

What the fucking fuck?! 0.6 WAR SCORE? FUCK YOUUUUUU

Sigh. Anyways, 10 Burgundian ships now lie in the bottom of the sea and their navy has been crippled severly. Yet not a single Breton ship was lost. Truly a glorious victory, even if the game doesn't recognize that.

another addition to the Top 10 anime betrayals

As Scotland was allied with France, they have broken their alliance with England and now the Bruce dynasty is at civil war.

Fuck, 1 more admin skill and a united Ireland would've been possible in the near future. Alas.

Now that the Burgundian navy has been utterly defeated, Gwenneg's assistance is no longer needed and he is fired. The ducal coffers are empty again and Artur is forced to make a lot of budget cuts.

Army maintenance and fort maintenance are both lowered. Let's hope Brittany won't be attacked any time soon. So I narrowly avoid taking another loan.

*bagpipes intensify*

Duncan Adam might've been a coward when fighting Brittany but against England he proves to be a talented general. The much stronger English army is soundly defeated in a battle reminicent of the Battle of Stirling Bridge.

Fuck, the Burgundians are already back. There's nothing I can do, once again, except retreat to the safety of Aunis.

What a surprise, the council is a failure. The last attempt at reforming the church from the inside has failed.

Constentin is once again occupied, but at the same time Burgundian Burgdundy is overrun by Spaniards.

The end of the war is near, as we're at 89% warscore.

Ah, the classic "Australia" tactic, sending your troublemakers to your colonies. Artur decides to use it and sends a bunch of criminal scum to help constructing the trade post.

Artur delegates wisely and promotes talented commoner soldiers, who proved their skill during the war, to high-ranking military positions.

And so the war is over. Brittany doesn't gain much compensation for all the suffering, losses and victories, but hey at least I got 41 power projection and 60 favours.

D I R E C T R U L E F R O M M A D R I D

Spain now directly borders their rival France. I'm sure this won't end horribly for Brittany, which is allied with both.

The Aragonese had an army of 6000 soldiers stuck on Sardinia, apparently. Spain's fleet kept them there. Sucks for them.

There wasn't much looting done, and because the amount of money is so pitiful Artur can claim a large portion of it for himself. A third of the money is spent on banquettes and parties. 100% christian celebrations, I assure you.

Aragon was so raped they're no longer a worthy rival of Brittany.

Most of Eastern Europe suffered little from the plague, except for Austria and, you guessed it, Bohemia.

Czechs just can't get a break this game, can they?

England makes peace after London falls to the French, leaving the Aquitainians at the mercy of France.

Now that there is peace, Uuinmael can return to being an explorer. He leads a thousand men south to Africa.

Yay, thank you, Spain!

At this point, Spain has done much more for Brittany than France has ever done.

The rivarly between Spain and Burgundy did not end with the peace treaty. King Enrique grants numerous letters of marque and privateers begin pirating the Channel and robbing Burgundian traders, sharing booty with their Spanish contractor.

I don't think I need mil access for exploration but fuck it I'll ask for it anyways

Uuinmael's African expedition begins.

Press F to pay respects. Aquitaine, my former enemy, is forever gone.

Uuinmael is not the only explorer in Africa. Mikael of Montfort, a noble descendant of John IV and an experienced sailor and merchant, is sponsored by Artur to sail south and find more heathen lands to convert.

The coast curves even more and Mikael realizes a direct sea route to India is entirely possible. When he brings these news home, hundreds of merchants begin accruing capital and taking loans so they can build trade posts along the African coasts. If India is found, a fortune will go along the coast westward to Europe.

Mikael will explore the coast more and find spots for these future trade posts.

Naples fully embraces the Renaissance movement as it continues to spread across Italy.

Many estuaries, bays and harbours are found by Mikael, which makes greedy merchants drool.

I will prioritize these provinces and hopefully dominate trade on the African coast.

One of the most valuable trade commodities in the south are slaves. Artur says they are a perfectly moral trade good as long as the slaves are not christian. The Pope agrees.

wait why are slaves a rural good? are they harvested from slave plants or something?

Artur presents himself as a man of high moral standards and a ruler chosen by God to guide his country, but in truth is still a horny man who also forms cunning plots to subdue anyone who questions his divine authority. Besides, God did say "Be fruitful and multiply. Fill the earth and govern it."

>millet farming
>in a completely desolate desert province
>next to bountiful fishing waters

the fuck?

As your admin tech increases, so can your centralization.

The Visconti dynasty of Milan, through cunning political marriages, has managed to get their members on the thrones of France and Hungary.

Brittany's population has recovered from the plague and the war and the Duchy is once again considered to be of average importance.

Nobility complains of their sons not being able to get high-ranking positions in the navy as they're taken by more competent mudbloods. Artur tells them to shut the fuck up and recognize his God-given authority and wisdom.

Having explored much of western Mali, seen many exotic beasts and visited many markets, Uuinmael contracts a tropical disease and dies soon after. The officers lead the expedition northwards.

You might've noticed in earlier parts how heavy ships are not available. That is because they are unlocked at diplo tech 18.

Carracks are much stronger than caravels yet not that much more expensive and so are definitely worth building. Once Brittany's naval force limit increases, that it.

To please the disgruntled nobles, Artur sends them fruit baskets. This pleases them, but not enough to make them loyal.

As an extra middle finger, estates only become loyal once loyalty is at least 31%. Because fuck you, that's why.

Constentin is finally integrated, its Norman nobility swearing fealty to Artur.

Now it should be possible to deal with those damned heretic scum, but unfortunately my piety has dropped drastically. I did try to appropriate church property, but it only should've reduced piety by 10 or so. Not surw what happened.

There's two ways to get rid of heretics: conversion either forcefully or peacefully.

Unless your country is unstable and you need a scapegoat to blame for your troubles, you need piety or an inquisitor to convert heretics. I understant not having enough church influence, but not enough piety? What the heck?

Peaceful conversion is obviously slower option, but you avoid unrest this way.

Peaceful conversion also has lighter requirements than forceful conversion, but I still don't have enough piety and can't recruit an inquisitor.

France continues raping the HRE and declares war on Savoy. Brittany joins, but the Frenchies are unlikely to need my help.

SEND FORTH ALL LEGIONS, HON HON HON

Muscovy tries in vain to invade the small Livonian Order only to fail horribly, mostly because of their foe's technological advantage.

Speaking of technology, here's the tech map mode. Brittany and Burgundy are the most advanced states in Western Europe. Eastern Europe is falling behind pretty badly, and Ottomans have lost the edge they once had as Italy embraces the Renaissance.

The AI usually has mana issues for some reason, often because of high corruption. In M&T, small and highly developed nations usually have a tech advantage because their corruption is lower.

Fucking humiliated.

Aww :C

A political crisis erupts between Artur and the clergy. Because of the loyal bishop of Rennes who is Artur's pawn, the Duke can assert his dominance over the local churches, but not without some opposition. After a while, the disagreeing voices end one after another, with people either mysteriously dying or completely changing their opinions in a day, as if they had received a bribe or something.

Savoy is fucked, what a surprise. Hey, I got 2 ducats, 0.2 prestige and 3 favours for doing nothing at fucking all. Neat.

SURPRISE DEI GRATIA WALL OF TEXT

The fransiscan monks of Brittany decide to participate in this loaning thing which totally isn't usury. Mostly because they want to show middlefinger to Jews.

I'm given three options. The top one costs some admin and legitimacy and the piety fund modifier lasts for 30 years. The middle one costs 20 ducats and gives you some legitimacy and the piety fund lasts 20 years. And the bottom one you can see in the image.

As Brittany has already legalized many ways of circumventing the ban on usury, the piety fund does not fare well in the competition and dies off within a decade. Artur himself condemns both the mount of piety and the Breton laws, but is unable to do anything about the latter.

The house of Léon put their plans into motion and have Anne proclaim support for her husband's family. But Artur is a savvy and cunning man and sees the nobles would then expect something in return, and thus refuses the offer for help.

In the small rural town of Münzenberg, north of Frankfurt, a disgruntled monk writes an angry letter and sends it to the Archbishop of Mainz. His public criticism spreads quickly, first among the heretics of Falkenstein, then rest of Germany.

Even Artur hears of the letter and writes to the monk, calling him an impious misguided heretic. He mostly does this because the Pope is his ally that he wants to please, not because he cares about some monk in bumfuck nowhere complaining loudly. Yet this has the opposite effect than he desired, with many becoming curious about this unwashed commoner who managed to get a response from a Duke. And thus, the Ninety-Five Theses spread across Christendom...

This event begins the awesome Reformation event chain. If you don't care about spoilers, feel free to watch dharper's video on it, which explains how it works. Also enjoy his sexy voice and the lovely music playing in the background.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=c3F0K_XfUrA

31 years earlier than historically, not too bad.

Charles received a Christian education with a big C and is obsessed with the teachings of Jesus Christ. He aims to live piously like He had done over 1400 years ago and gains the reputation of being a kind and caring soul who always sides with the poor and weak.

Meanwhile in the east, the Ottomans are at civil war as the Sultan's family members rebel against him.

The Divine Duke dies of dysentery. Heh, I love alliteration.

Artur's sudden death arouses some suspicion, and for the third time in a row some think that the ruler has been assassinated. But learned doctors from the university of Angers say they found nothing odd and that he clearly died of regular dysentery. Both Anne and Isabeau cover this up and spread false rumours of a more noble death.

Charles himself is certain that his father died young because of God's wrath -- he proudly claimed to be pious, yet left behind many bastards and corpses of political enemies. It will be Charles' aim to live truly piously, unlike Artur.

In the end, the cause of Artur's death matters not as Charles inherits the throne either way. He is a capable diplomat and warrior, but never liked dealing with anything even resembling paperwork.

wait why the hell is he Charles I? He should be Charles II god dammit

Charles holds a large celebration in Nantes and throws money from the castle's balcony to the commoners outside. Some nobles are displeased, but the food is too damn good for them to complain.

Charles marries Maria Manuela of Spain, a daughter of King Enrique. This ties the crowns of Spain and Brittany even closer together.

HRE is fucked once more, this time by Hungary, Poland-Lithuania and Milan, who declare war on Austria.

Some time after his coronation in Rennes, Charles founds the University of Nantes after receiving a papal bull from the Pope. While there are many universities nearby, Charles wishes to assert Brittany's independence from France. The new university will have teaching for the traditional subjects: arts, theology, law and medicine. This will allow him to also get some badly needed bureaucrats.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/University_of_Nantes

I'm about 30 years late, mostly because of constant expensive wars.

The civil war in the Ottoman empire is over and so begins the end of an era. The Roman Empire is coming to an end after so many centuries. For some future historians, this is when the middle ages shall end and the modern age begin.

Phew, it's finally fucking over. My fingers have been reduced into fleshy stumps as this is the longest part so far, I think.

Thank you for reading. Now bugger off, there's nothing more to read this week.