The Musketman UU Battle Royale

Author: restinpizzas
Published: 2018-04-28
When shitposts go too far and become a serious series.

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Game: Civilization V, Sid Meier's

The Bad Shitpost AI Game

Images: 11, author: restinpizzas, published: 2018-04-14

Welcome one and all to the Musket UU royale! Here we have 35 different types of muskets going up against each other in a bid for supremacy. There are musket UUs not in this game but I either missed them whilst searching for musket UUs or had trouble installing the mod.

The gap in the middle is intentional but the other gap is due to me having to remove Quebec who won my test game without taking a single point of damage(although it seemed more that it was bugged rather than it being too powerful).
To avoid me spamming these next few slides to the brim with info I've posted links to all of the civs (in the order they're presented) in the comments so you can have a look at the uniques yourselves if you so please.

Formatted Civ(UU), our contenders on the first row are:

Dahomey(Mino), The Cajuns(Mi'kmaq Militia), Pennsylvania(Pennsylvania Musket) and Bohemia(Hussite Handgunner).
In the row of many US civs we have:

Pskov Republic(Arquebusier), Appalachia(Longrifleman), Vermont Republic(Green Mountain Boys), Michigan(Militiaman) and Ohio(The Regimental Soldier)

Note: There's two Arquebusiers in this game, however from different mods.
On the third row there's:

The Caribbean(Buccaneer), Spain(Tercio), Muscovy(Streltsy), United State of America(Frontiersman), Sovereign Military Order of Malta(Knights of St. John) and Virginia(Minuteman)

Note: One or more of the US state mods disabled Washington so I used the Virginia mod to have them in the game. They have the same bonuses as Washington's Minutemen
On the left side of the middle row we have:

Cherokee(Aniwina), Metis(Coureur des Bois), The Afsharids(Jazayerchi).
On the right side:

France(Musketeer), Manchu(Green Standard), andThe English Protectorate(Roundhead).
On the fifth row there is:

Ashanti(Gunman), Corsica(Macchieri), West Virginia (Mountaineer), The Anishinaabe(Ogichida), the space where Quebec's UU was (RIP) and The Tlingit(Xaa).
The second last row is home to:

Maratha(Sepoy), Poland(Chosen Infantry), Hungary(Arquebusier #2), Ottomans(Janissary) and Japan(Ashigaru).
Finally we have:

Newfoundland(Royal Regiment), Great Ming(Shenji Musketeer), Song(Fire Lancer) and lucky last the OG musketman here to prove that they're better than these copies.
One last look to make the changes more obvious. Let the royale begin!
The Cajuns are eliminated on the first turn. Many look to follow next turn.
Indeed a bloodbath happens this turn! Dahomey, Pennsylvania, Pskov, Appalachia, The Carribbean, Spain, Muscovy, Cherokee, Anishinaabe, Hungary and the OG musketman. Wow 11 eliminations in 1 turn that's got to be a record.
Another turn and more eliminations. This time the ones eliminated are: The United States of America, France and The English Protectorate,.
Turn 4 and 4 more eliminations. Manchu, The Tlingit, Japan and Song are eliminated.
The bloodbath continues with Virginia, Corsica and Poland all falling.
No brakes on the death train; Ohio, Hungary and Great Ming all accept death's embrace.
The deaths start slowing down as most of the units have died already. However, Sovereign Military Order of Malta and Maratha fell this turn.
Another turn and 2 more deaths, this time West Virginia and The Ottomans die.

Now that there's way less units lets reintroduce who we have left. Going left-right top-bottom we have:
Bohemia(Hussite Handgunner), Vermont Republic(Green Mountain Boys), Afsharids(Jazayerchi), Metis(Coureur des Bois), Michigan(Militiaman), Ashanti(Gunman) and Newfoundland(Royal Regiment).

Vermont Republic(Green Mountain Boys), Metis(Coureur des Bois) and Michigan(Militiaman) all die straight after their reintroduction.

Afsharids(Jazayerchi) and Ashanti(Gunman) are in precarious positions, being in the middle and in the red is a recipe for death.
Indeed Afsharids(Jazayerchi) are eliminated. Only 3 left but the Ashanti Gunman has an uphill battle if it's to win this.
The first turn of no death as the remaining units lick their wounds in preparation for the final battle.
After 7 turns of nothingness the Ashanti Gunman and Bohemian Hussite Handgunner confront each other, the Hussite Handgunner has the edge here.
The Ashanti Gunman gets a self heal however and the shoe is on the other foot.
Both are in the red...

The Newfoundland Royal Regiment looks onwards at its prey.
The Bohemian Hussite Handgunner gains a self heal allowing it to win the battle. Only 2 remain.
Newfoundland allows its rival to heal up to full health.
The final battle! The Bohemian Hussite Handgunner looks to have a slight advantage.
But once again the script is flipped on them as the Newfoundland Royal Regiment gets a self heal.
The Royal Regiment is in the red but the Hussite Handgunner is in the black.
Not wanting mutually assured destruction the two sides agree to a temporary truce.
The Hussite Handgunner is recovering faster.
But both get healed completely before the next confrontation.
Both drop to the yellow with this looking like an exact repeat of the last fight.
However the Newfoundland Royal Regiment gets a self heal. The Bohemian Hussite Handgunner is in trouble now.
The Royal Regiment is in the yellow and the Bohemian Hussite Handgunner is back in the black...
The Newfoundland Royal Regiment wins! They are now objectively the best musketman UU.

If you guys enjoyed this be sure to sma- to check out the poll on the bottom of this slide to vote on which UU royale you want to see next. I will do the winner of the poll as of 48 hours as the next UU. I don't know for sure if there are adequate amounts of UUs for each option in the poll (at least 2 UUs) but if there aren't then I'll do the next highest eligible option.

Next chapter:

Game: Civilization V, Sid Meier's

The Frigate UU Battle Royale

Images: 29, author: restinpizzas, published: 2018-06-22

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Game: Civilization V, Sid Meier's

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