Hiawatha vs an icy hellhole: a Tale of Malicious Incompetence

Author: Double
Published: 2019-12-19, edited: 1970-01-01
A report focusing entirely on a battle for a piece of snow in northern Greenland. Taken from cbrx S1E27.
We begin in medias res, with a great war bomber dropping an "Iroquois bread basket" to the few miserable inhabitants of Hakaye.
You may have noticed the Iroquois have no melee units on this or the previous slide that they could use to capture the city.
Why would anyone even want to conquer such a place? It does look like the Iroquois forces are here simply to make the inhabitants suffer.
To be fair, the Apache are making the Iroquois take losses for the suffering to continue. The Iroquois just lost that nearly dead machine gun unit from the previous slide.
Besides the fighters and bombers shot down every turn, the Iroquois are going to lose another machine gun squad. I am sure it is worth it.
There is no footage of turn 425 in the full video, but a turn after that, there is hope for this bloodshed the finally be over. The Iroquois now have several melee units. There are two AA units and even a cavalry unit! I do wonder how easy it is to ride on ice and snow.
Turn 427 is also missing from the "full" video. The Iroquois have now lost that artillery unit that was blocking the shortest path for the cavalry to ride into city.
I think Hiawatha heard me in the last slide. The battle was in danger of ending so he planted a fresh bazooka unit into the gap.
They are going to lose that cavalry, aren't they? Oh well, maybe one more death will balance out the books and we can move on. On the other side, Hakaye has lost one pop.
That AA unit has been sitting there, one tile from the city, for five turns already. "Our contracts say we do air *defence*, so you can not order us to attack." claim the units soldiers when questioned by their officers. The issue is now escalating through the courts of the nation and will surely land in supreme court. Eventually.
That lone artillery unit defending Hakaye has chosen the stubborn AA unit as its target. It is the closest melee unit to the city, so an excellent choice, I you want to prolong this farce.
That Viking general inspecting a highly unlikely archaeological site in northern Greenland is surely amused by this incompetence. That, or maybe his taking notes on cruelty.
No, that captured city is not this city. That city flips back the next turn anyway.
That stubborn AA unit is going to die before the supreme court makes a decision. But there is a possible replacement just next to it. Maybe the fate of their comrades will motivate them to move forward.
The artillery takes a turn off to fire at something in the ocean instead of delivering the killing blow.
That AA is finally dead. The Iroquois still have five units in this slide capable of capturing the city.
Hakaye has grown back to 3 pops! I am sure the miracle of new life makes these circumstances tolerable.
Actually, the Iroquois are dedicating way more forces here than is actually necessary. Their main front is stalling, so this force could have been put to good use there. Maybe these are penal units and autocratic regime is sending its dissidents here?
That bazooka unit will die next turn, if the artillery keeps at it.
Standing on the frozen corpses of their comrades has frozen this AA unit as well.
They are just going to defiantly take that artillery to the face, like their predecessors.
Back to two pops then. Hiawatha, please, think of the children!
Hiawatha, you are just going to keep doing this till the end of time, aren't you? Whatever your problem with the city is, how could it ever deserve this treatment?
There are fourteen empty carriers in this slide, or sea-bricks as like I to call them. Maybe they are empty because the Apache shot down all the planes? Surely, that is all there is to it. Also, that captured city is not this city. I am sure i will flip back though in the next part, it has a melee unit in range.

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Images: 9, author: Zulfy, published: 2018-09-09, edited: 1970-01-01