The Ocho: Part 5 - Mexiguese

Author: mrtherussian
Published: 2017-01-30, edited: 2017-01-30

Part of the campaign:

The Ocho

Previous part:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Ocho: Part 4 - Of Curry and Babka

Images: 116, author: mrtherussian, published: 2017-01-30, edited: 1970-01-01

Glorious Portuguese Mexico is Ready to Explode!
She has bitten off more than she can chew. Mostly uncored, heathens everywhere. Disaster looms! Portuguese-Mexico is also technically at war, though the fighting is taking place on the other side of the world and Portuguese-Mexico has no navy to contribute with.

Lead by administrator Felipe Furtado, Portuguese-Mexico has but 3 vital goals:

For the glory of Mother Portugal, expand the area controlled by Portuguese-Mexico through conquest and colonization.

Convert the heathen masses and bring them into the light of Christ.

Hold together the writing masses of bickering natives to prevent the territorial gains from evaporating into thin air.
A larger army will be needed to deal with this effectively. The colonial administrator, Felipe Furtado, sends out the call to service.
Despite the civic unrest, Sr. Furtado orders the province Chortli settled. This does not go over well with our neighbors, Castilan Mexico. The future may hold bloody conflict for these two rival colonies.
Sr. Furtado is the first colonial administrator to independently expand Portuguese Mexico's borders through colonization. As such, he must determine how to treat the natives living there.

Sr. Furtado is a proud Portuguese-born European. He sneers down his nose at the indigenous... creatures. "Wipe them out. This land is ours by God's will."
The new recruits stream into the capital, marching 4 abreast and feeling like the equal of any European soldiers.
Word spreads through the conquered territories of the shining new Knights of Mexico, as the army comes to be known. It does little to quench the flames of rebellion, however. Sr. Furtado will likely have quite the situation on his hands before long.
Cautious not to anger one of the few populations not already boiling over into revolt, Sr. Furtado is forced to empty the already dwindling treasury to appease the colonial Portuguese.
Thankfully the diplomats dispatched to the far reaches of the realm are able to fully incorporate the new lands. The colonists even come to see the Mayan people as more than simple savages, if not equals - they are people that can be entrusted, employed, traded with, and tolerated. This change in attitudes does much to alleviate the internal tensions of the nation.
Unfortunately the goodwill is not entirely mutual. As the number of potential nationals begins to fall due to the changing attitudes of the Portuguese settlers, the Itza Nationalist Militia decides to rise now and take their chances instead of fading into obscurity untested.
With the Portuguese-Mexican army entangled in the western revolt, another nationalist group seizes the opportunity to rebel!
Thousands of Portuguese-Mexicans lose their lives putting down the rebellions. They are successful, but the pool of young men from which the army can draw has run dangerously low. Hopefully the rebels have spent themselves for the time being. Mexico needs time to recover.
The reports handed to Sr. Furtado suggest otherwise. The Mayan religion is proving difficult to stamp out, and the conquered indigenies seem to be reaching a boiling point as the pressure from Catholic missionaries mounts higher and higher. To make matters worse, a third nationalist movement is gaining strength now that word of the Portuguese-Mexican army's bloody nose has spread.
Election year rolls around and Felipe Furtado must call in many political favors to remain the dominant candidate. His methods are not entirely subtle and he burns much of the goodwill of the republic in the process, but his time in office has taught him much of statesmanship. He hangs onto his seat and only becomes shrewder in the process.
Terrible news, huge bands of animal worshipping heathens have risen up in the southwest. They have raided the armories of the local militia and are roving the countryside stringing up the faithful to die, most especially priests and missionaries.

Sr. Furtado, a devout Catholic, sees red for hours. He can barely control his shaking arm enough to send the marching orders to the Knights of Mexico.
The heathens are summarily executed. At the risk of causing more uprisings, Sr. Furtado triples the efforts of the missionaries in converting the heathen provinces as quickly as possible. The army remains stationed in the trouble spots to deter additional aggression.
Troubling news arrives from the western frontier. A large uncivilized nation which Sr. Furtado had hoped to conquer after addressing the internal issues of Portuguese-Mexico has instead been attacked by an enormous British army. It is likely that they will fold completely. Sr. Furtado will have to look elsewhere to expand the realm.
Early the following year, a man with a strange Portuguese accent andh a shadowy past arrives in the capital. While he willingly admits to being a well trained general, he will say nothing more about this previous life other than he cannot return to it. Sr. Furtado is not the strongest general himself. After a demonstration in the war games, he empties the treasury to garner the expertise of this foreigner.
General Sequeira is even more than he promised to be. Sr. Furtado places him at the head of the army immediately.
Sr. Furtado's blundering son has been too obvious accepting bribes and is placed on trial for corruption. Having so recently whittled away at the trust of the people by pulling strings to get re-elected, Sr. Furtado is forced to allow the trial to proceed normally. He has other sons, after all.
Finally the majority of the populace has been "convinced" to submit to the will of the Holy Father in Rome. This accomplishment does not go unnoticed by the Pope and the other Catholic nations.
With the internal issues more or less under control, Sr. Furtado looks west to the unconquered lands of the heathen primitives. Unfortunately targets closer to home have managed to westernize in the time before Sr. Furtado's ascendancy. They are protectorates of Portugal, but the shape of the borders gall him.
General Sequeira has no trouble dispatching the few ragtag brigades of spear-and-bow wielding natives and the occupation is well underway.
Unfortunately Sr. Furtado will not live to see Portuguese-Mexico expand any further. He will be remembered as a man with a crappy son who managed to keep Portuguese-Mexico from exploding apart at the seams, but little else.

The results of the emergency elections are in, and the diplomatic candidate Sr. Queiroz takes office.
Mixtec nationalists sense a weak moment for Portuguese-Mexico while their army is split and their leadership changes hands. They launch a full scale rebellion. General Sequeira is forced to break off the sieges to deal with the issue.
Sr. Queiroz is not the bible-thumper that his predecessor was. The Pope resides half a world away, His Holiness does not dictate the day to day affairs of Portuguese-Mexico. The state sides with the philosopher on this issue.

Meanwhile, the motherland drags Portuguese-Mexico pointlessly into another conflict it can contribute nothing to. It is business as usually in Central America where the effects are not even felt.
The colony in Chortli becomes self-sustaining! Sr. Queiroz signs the paperwork which will bring it fully under Portuguese-Mexican hegemony.
Sr. Queiroz is a federalist at heart and sees the benefits of a strong centralize government. His arguments in the senate resonate with the people, promoting a sense of stability in the realm and turning many against the idea of elected officials.
Good news and bad. Both of the belligerents in the war were fully conquered, but the trek out west has revealed that British-Mexico is truly sprawling and occupies much of the land Sr. Queiroz was hoping to conquer for Portuguese-Mexico.
Sr. Queiroz wastes no time in attacking the next set of backwards natives.
An enormous revolt with twice the numbers of the Portuguese-Mexican army rises up while the Knights of Mexico appear to be distracted. Luckily they are nowhere near as well-led as the Portuguese-Mexican forces.
General Sequeira is unconcerned. He finishes the siege and obtains surrender terms from Mixtec before turning his attention to the rebels.
Sr. Queiroz turns his attention back to the east as the peace treaty with Tarascan finally runs down. News from the west arrives detailing how British-Mexico could not hold together after their enormous conquests and have burst apart, much of their land going to Colima and Tarascan. Sr. Queiroz seizes this golden opportunity at a large land grab and lists Tarascan as a co-belligerent.

Unfortunately, General Sequeira's time on the Earth comes to end just after war is declared. The primitives will still be a cinch to conquer, but some of the glory of army is lost.
The crippling loss of almost an entire Ducat threatens to bring Portuguese-Mexico to her knees.
What little faith the people have in the republic is deeply shaken when Sr. Queiroz follows the footsteps of his predecessor and pulls strings to rig the election and remain in power.
The blowback is felt immediately as the unity marches are disrupted by disgruntled voters. Much of the prestige Portuguese-Mexico has gained in recent conquests is lost.
A disaster of a war! While the Knights of Mexico are busy laying siege to Tarascan, a hidden army of Kiche reveals itself and lifts the siege on Peten. To make matters worse, a large nationalist uprising attempts to take advantage of the chaos and rises up near the capital!
Sr. Queiroz secures a surrender from Tarascan that cedes all of their land east of the British-Mexican provinces on the border, and the army rushes east immediately.
General Camara is no match for General Sequeira, or the upstart leading the army of nationalists either. Superior numbers carry the day but nearly 1/4 of the infantry is lost in the process.
Better news arrives - the Catholics living in Guatemala have been able to throw off the yoke of Mayan religion while their territory has been occupied. They publicly announce that they belong with the nation of Portuguese-Mexico by right.
Sr. Queiroz catches malaria and quickly succumbs, leaving a nation in turmoil to try to find its feet once again. Despite the lack of pulled strings, his son succeeds him as the new administrator, Sr. Queiroz II.
Sr. Queiroz II completes what his father began and annexes Kiche. Portuguese-Mexico enters an unusual time of peace, but the fires of internal strife are once again heating up. He must act quickly to core the new possessions and convert the heathens to Catholicism to promote national unity.
Mother Portugal declares yet another war of conquest - but this time it is against Portuguese-Mexico's primitive rival in the west, Colima. Sr. Queiroz II is a shrewd man and uses it as an excuse to temporarily raise taxes. He plans to let Portugal handle this war on its own as his own nation needs time to recover manpower and the provinces will be immediately turned over to his control either way.
Much of Portuguese-Mexico's monthly income is from trade. Despite having no trade fleets, she owns much of the Mexican coastline and is a destination for many merchant ships. The consequences of doing nothing to avert this crisis are far greater than the political capital Sr. Queiroz II must expend to fix it.
Despite attempts to allay the anger of the natives, several rebellions crop up at once. They are nothing that can't be handled by the Knights of Mexico, but manpower reserves are critically low and the army still needs time to recover.
Chased from their own lands, a band of Coliman warriors enters Portuguese-Mexico and annihilates a newly raised brigade. Portuguese-Mexico can ill afford to lose manpower this way.
The revolts and Colimans successfully dealt with, Sr. Queiroz II watches blissfully from the sidelines as the Portuguese army stomps all over the Coliman homeland.
After a good old fashioned Catholic campfire, all of Portuguese-Mexico's neighbors are feeling some extra goodwill.
The war with Colima ends and the new territory falls under Sr. Queiroz II's command. The mother country also updates the map of the western coast of Mexico and Sr. Queiroz II immediately takes advantage by sending a colonial mission to the nearest unclaimed coastline.
Unfortunately the new possession come uncored and unrest in Portuguese-Mexico spikes to new levels. Two large nationalist revolts occur simultaneously and in mountainous regions no less. They will be difficult to put down.
A third revolt begins before the first can even begun to be dealt with. The diplomats work at a furious pace but the corings will not be completed soon enough.
Amidst the turmoil, the unity march is again disrupted which eliminates the prestige painstakingly regained since the last incident.
Revolts begin to spread like wildfire. Portuguese-Mexico is forced to hire mercenary after mercenary, and the treasury shrinks accordingly. Instead of helping, the Portuguese army in Colima boards transport and heads for God only knows where instead. Some help they were.
The battle in Guatemala claims almost half of the entire army, yet there are still numerous revolts and nationals have conquered the capital. These are the direst of times and the very integrity of Portuguese-Mexico is threatened.
The army handles the revolts east of Colima, but 40,000 men have risen up in old Colima and still the Portuguese do nothing.
Sr. Queiroz II waits for a year for the Portuguese to mount a resistance, but in the end he will not simply let the new lands fall apart. After a rousing speech to drum up morale, he baits the rebels into attacking the army in the jungle. Only now do the remaining Portuguese troops lend a hand instead of relaxing on the beach waiting for the transport to return.
Even with the reinforcements and led by the Portuguese king himself, the battle is ball-quakingly close.
Two thirds of the Portuguese-Mexican infantry and cavalry are lost in this one immense battle. The mercenaries take the brunt of the fighting, but this is what they are paid for.
Just when all the revolts had finally been put down, the people are now up in arms over the continued policy of obscurantism.
Suddenly news arrives that Portugal and Great Britain are at war! Carraibos and the remaining Portuguese troops begin sieges on British-Mexico. Sr. Queiroz II knows his troops outnumber the British colonists hugely. Perhaps if he controls all of the British colonies in Mexico, the mother land will reward him with additional territory!
Sr. Queiroz II will never know whether this will be the case since he dies shortly after. Sr. Noronha is elected in his place.
Sr. Noronha takes office just as Portuguese-Mexican calls for peace begin to get out of hand. His arms are tied, however, since Portuguese-Mexico cannot sign a separate peace from Portugal. In fact, Portuguese-Mexico is not even one of the agitators in these wars. Why are these people mad at *him*?
The wargoal will soon be in allied hands, and with it the prospect of new land for Portuguese-Mexico!
Nope, Portugal is a dick.

Oh well. Sr. Noronha is tired of Tarascan since it has almost exactly the same color as British-Mexico on the map and it confuses him to look at. War is declared.
The war goes completely without a hitch. The only red left is British-Mexico now.
Finally with these new acquisitions all of the territory west of Mexico province is within coring range. Just in time, as the people are upset over the disunity of the country.
The nobles have been content to wait seeing as how the Queiroz political dynasty was speeding the republic to its demise, but now that the republican tradition seems to be recovering they begin to plot in earnest.
Despite these concerns, when the election comes the next year Sr. Noronhas has no qualms greasing palms and remains in power, savvier than ever.
Another string of rebellions to be put down. The Portuguese-Mexican army is highly skilled at removing rebels by now.
Carraibas foolishly tries to take Antigua and brings us into a war with France. Hopefully they won't bother making landfall in Portuguese-Mexico.
After some turmoil and debate over the future of the republic, the republican tradition emerges stronger than ever in Portuguese-Mexico.
Sr. Noronha decides that Portuguese-Mexico will not be beholden to the clergy. This upsets a great number of the faithful further decreasing the country's stability.
The war with France ends the long friendship between Portugal and Castile. It might actually be possible now for Sr. Noronha to take the Mexican lands held by New Castile by force of arms...
No wartime leader has ever lost an election in Portuguese-Mexico!

Well, no leader has ever lost an election period.
The treaty with Britain ends and Sr. Noronha decides to try to take the British-Meixcan lands by force of arms. Their colony is weak. Ours is strong. It is the way of things. If we can siege them out fully before Great Britain takes an interest...
It's just the Portuguese Empire vs the British Empire. We can pull it off, it's just going to be up to the overlord whether or not we get anything from this.
The sieges in Mexico are not enough, so Sr. Noronha turns the army south to Colombia.
Blast! That's 1680.

The war is a disaster for the British. Hopefully the AI can make good on this war.
Except for in Brazil where Brandenburg of all countries has decided to sail the Atlantic to aid Britain.
The war in Newfoundland is still undecided.
Though our ally Norway is getting pummeled at home.
Catholicism got absolutely wrecked this game. How strange.
Galicia-Volhynia decided to expand further into Lithuanian lands. They now share a border with Russia (WHO HAVE WESTERNIZED) and the Ottomans (ALSO westernized!). It seems precarious.
What we can see of Yao is still enormous. They have continued settling new lands all the way to the point of contact with Kongo, but they have not been able to Westernize.
Choctaw has been cut down to two measly provinces, but they have at least Westernized. I believe they are a French protectorate.
Old nemesis Malwa has only expanded since we last looked at India. Disgusting.
Finally, a look at the extent of Portuguese-Mexico. It certainly is larger and more cohesive than it was when we began. Unfortunately the Portuguese do not overtax us and we had no chance to declare independence. Plus in the end being part of the empire was better for our expansion. Hopefully that will change in interesting ways in the future.

Tune in next time as we travel to China, where Ming has recently exploded into a ton of substates and we get to play one of them!