Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 16

Author: Blorktronics
Published: 2017-02-01

Part of the campaign:

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR

Previous part:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 15

Images: 25, author: Blorktronics, published: 2017-02-01

Welcome to Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 16!
Welcome welcome welcome! Come on in and take a seat for the match of the century! In the green corner we have the mean, brutish Russian giant! He's hungry for blood and out to fulfill imperialistic dreams of global hegemony!

Aaaand in the white corner we have the one, the only, the GLORIOUS Chavchuveny! The plucky fighter that's been through hell and back but never gives up! He's mad, he's bad and he's determined to beat the everloving shit out of Russia! Let the show begin!

We start by sending in our mercenaries to provoke the bear. Come and get it! Glory to Chavchuveny!
Meanwhile in the capital...
Just because we're in a life or death struggle for survival doesn't mean we can't patronize our innovative thinkers. We really need to unlock that monthly war exhaustion reduction idea because invading through Siberia is going to be ugly! We'll handle it through, every Chavchuvenian dreams of spending their blood in the service of destroying Russia!
The monster trundles towards our fair and pleasant lands! This is just the advance force, there will surely be more. We retreat back behind the safety of our forts and wait...

Also WHAT THE FUCK FIVE SIEGE PIPS? This is disastrous! Our plan is to burn Russia with winter attrition but this guy is going to wreck our forts! Not cool!
Burn the farms! Raze the towns! Destroy it all!
We scorch everything outside our forts and wait for the Russian onslaught. You'll all perish against our walls!
General Winter arrives on the scene...
3.7% attrition is not quite what was planned but it's early days, the winter attrition should rack up...

Also the advantage of our level 7 forts is almost completely negated by that damn 5 siege general. At least we built up our forts, level 1 forts wouldn't last a month against this man!
On second thoughts...
You know, I was expecting more than 45,000 men. Where is Russia's army? You're not facing some ragtag rabble of native tribes, you're facing a mighty rabble of civilized tribes!
All the discipline! More charging! It takes like two months to cross a province out here our soldiers are getting hoarse from all the yelling.
All the men!
We sortie the day before the main force arrives. CHAVCHUVENY WILL BE VICTORIOUS!
Battle is joined! For the first time in recorded history the True East rises against the East and has the strength to stand against the beast!

We have more men! We have more cannons! We have more discipline! We have more tactics! We have better generals! Chaaaaaarge!
Dmitrly Ushakov you have met your match!
The armies of Chavchuveny are unstoppable! A hundred thousand furious Siberians charge against the malevolent Ruskies to the chorous of our field howitzers. Burn in the wastelands of Siberia you dogs! Burrrrrn!
Well that just happened. Russia got stackwiped! Ha! Deal with it! Erkin Tymancha running a masterclass in how to turn men into meatbags. Glorious victory! That's what you get for only sending, like, 20% of your army!

I *was* planning on depleting Russia's manpower through patience and attrition, but stackwiping works too...
Hue hue hue...
Another glorious victory!
On another note, Siberian unit models are somewhat lacking. Snazzy russian rifleman is no match for scruffy unshaven curiously-western-looking Chavchuveny pikeman...
We have it! Russia doesn't! Glorious!
More glory!
I can't handle all this glory!
More destruction!
You see, the trouble with fighting in Siberia is that when we win battles, Russia gets to shattered retreat all the way back beyond the Urals. However, this problem neatly goes away when we can just kill them all on the field of battle! Glorious!
Meanwhile in Japan..
Lesser Chavchuveny what are you even doing... You don't have a colonist!
Back at the front
This is starting to get routine! Step up your game Russia! Also, despite our overwhelming victories on the field of battle our warscore is crap because we haven't taken Moscow...yet.
Ships! I have them!
So those Portuguese scoundrels got called in as Russia's ally and I don't want them doing anything stupid like launching a naval invasion of my capital.
Pincer movements! Surely us Chavchuvenians are unrivalled strategic masters...
Poor Dmitriy...
Every time we wipe out his army he seems to manage to escape and lead another ragtag group of men to their deaths. You are not prepared!
Finally! A real fight!
Russia finally gets its shit together and fields a real army against us. To battle! Also, Saxony what are you doing here you're clearly lost.
To arms! We will prevail against our mortal foe!
One of our glorious generals falls beneath the weight of Russian musket fire. But our god-tier general Tymancha still bravely leads the charge! Victory or death!

Also, 244,000 troops fighting in the middle of Siberia? #JustChavchuvenyThings
The the first time since the start of the war we fail to stackwipe a Russian army. Ah well, can't win them all oh wait yes we can lol. We've thinned their numbers immensely and we've got a 3:1 kill:death ratio. We're so pro we noscope with artillery.
After three years of enduring sick burns the Russians are finally out of manpower! The beginning of the war has ended but the hardest phase is yet to begin: the offensive! Advance into Russia!
This is our land now! Glorious!
We set foot upon our hated foe's soil and, um, ouch that's a lot of attrition oh god this is going to be horrible! Stand strong Chavchuveny!
Meanwhile on the home front
Our citizens are apparently unconcerned about our soldiers freezing to death in Russian wastelands. Good! It takes a lot to ruffle a Chavchuvenian's feathers! We're hard people, raised with iron in our blood and fury in our hearts! Onwards to victory!
Meanwhile in China
What even...Saxony go away you're not even a real country and your flag looks silly. Shoo!
And stay gone!
Deal with it! Ha!
Glory to Chavchuveny! The Great War continues!
The Iron Tide rolls over Russia and there's no-one and nothing left to stop us! The Russian army is in shambles, dashed against the rocks of Chavchuveny might! The home front has been won with a resounding victory and our proud land is dripping in glory!

What's in store for Russia? Can Chavchuveny handle the insane Russian winter attrition? Can we burn Moscow to the ground as the great legends fortold? Find out next time in Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR!

Next chapter:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 17

Images: 35, author: Blorktronics, published: 2017-02-01

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