Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 15

Author: Blorktronics
Published: 2017-02-01

Part of the campaign:

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR

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Game: Europa Universalis IV

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 14

Images: 37, author: Blorktronics, published: 2017-02-01

Welcome to Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 15!
Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, welcome! Welcome back to the Great and Glorious Empire of Chavchuveny!

It's been a long time since my last installment because I had a pesky PhD to finish but that unimportant stuff is all over and we're back to threatening the world with our not-so-tiny former merchant republic siberian tribe! Yay!

So here's the lay of the land. This game was played in patch 1.8, where colonized provinces (i.e. like, all of our land) has 50% minimum local autonomy. We have spent three HUNDRED years scrabbling together for every ducat, gold coin, copper shaving and shoelace the people of Chavchuveny could rub together and have thrown it at the most ambitious building project known to man: industrializing Siberia.

And it worked! Good lord how it has worked, we've squeaked into the top ten wealthiest nations in the world! (annualized income, terms and conditions apply please see attached press release for definitions of 'top', 'ten' and 'wealthiest') We're richer than the Ottoman Empire! Our evil arch-nemesis, the uncivilized barbarians of Russia are still ahead of us, but this will change! You can't earn gold if your provinces are ashes smoldering under the boot of Chavchuveny! Glory to Chavchuveny! Onwards to victory!
So this is why we're richer than the Ottoman empire
Damn son, you got your head kicked in! This is the result of a coalition war that got brewing after the Ottomans bit off more than they could chew. Good luck Croatia you're going to need it!
The existential threat! Our great nemesis! Run for your lives!
Aaaah Russia! For too long you've menaced us with your threatening borders and passive-aggressive diplomats! Soon you will bend your knee before the might of Chavchuveny! You have wasted your energy and resources on European intrigues but you have neglected the true threat! Chavchuveny!
Our little sister is having teething problems...
Turns out annexing Japan and stuffing their land into a puppet state doesn't lead to a very satisfied nation. But you know what else isn't satisfied? Chavchuveny's jackboots! We need to get some practice in on brutalizing peasants and general thuggery so we don't mess up the main event: subjugating Russia!
Payday in Chavchuveny's holiday resort
The building projects continue! Sulawesi is earning our fair lands buckets of duckets. Sulawesi and the Phillipines are our one exception to the rule of staying within the Arctic: got to get some of those sweet sweet spices!
The Military!
Ladies and Gentlemen feast your eyes on that force limit! We can support one hundred and sixty one thousand of Chavchuveny's finest without breaking a sweat! This is all thanks to our avaricious building project, the home provinces all have conscription centres and arsenals, adding 6 force limits per province from buildlings + ideas alone! You are the hammer by which we will break the Russian devils! Glory to Chavchuveny!
Passive aggressive Chavchuveny is best Chavchuveny
We're not strong enough to take on Russia directly...yet! So we do the next best thing and fortify our frontier with level 7 forts. This patch of Siberia is the most heavily fortified place on the planet.
Excuse me?
How dare you even CONSIDER yourselves to be our equal! Bunch of bloody unwashed savages! We let Spain know just exactly what we think of them with a diplomatic insult. You'll be next! First Russia then the world!
Cleaning up...
These guys have survived so long because their colour is suspiciously similar to ours, but our cartographers finally discovered their camouflage and have set about correcting this most embarrassing mistake.
Innovation!
Chavchuveny has some of the most brilliant minds ever seen and it's about time we supported them properly! The less monarch points we spend on tech, the more we can spend on buildings! More ducats! More manpower!
Yoink
Finders keepers, that's international law because I say so...
*building intensifies*
What a silly name for a building, every Chavchuveny dwelling is a war college! Boys and girls learn how to smelt their own cannonballs by the time they are seven and every reindeer is taught to charge Russians on sight.
No!
Stay down! Bad rebels! Stay!
So long, sweet prince
Secret Chavchuveny reveals its great surprise to the world! They were in cahoots with Chavchuveny all along! Ha! The ruse is disbanded and their lands fully incorporated into our great empire. More ducats! More manpower!
CHAVCHUVENY!
AAAAH CHAVCHUVENY! Look at us now! We're huge! Granted most of our land is, like, full of ice and grumpy bears but we've made the most of it. Every hill has a mine, every settlement a fully fledged weapons manufactory...
Force limits!
Integrating Secret Chavchuveny brought our force limit up by a whopping...seven. Woop de doo. Buildings are the key to our success and Secret Chavchuveny had none. We'll soon change that!
All the monies!
Look at that ridiculous income! Basically, our production buildings chuck out 60 ducats a month and we reap that back in as trade income because the Girin trade node is a sad and lonely place and we have no competition. That, folks, is our economy in a nutshell.
WE'RE COMING FOR YOU RUSSIA!
Well look at that! We're *just* behind Russia in terms of income! We've almost done it! We've sim-citied our way from irrelevancy into to threatening major world powers!
Chavchuveny's military...
Ladies and gentlemen do you see what I see? We have the second largest military in the world and our armies are the 1000 men smaller than the great and terrible Russia...

This is it! The time is now! The iron is hot and we must strike with the might of a vengeful and furious nation! Russia MUST be brought to heel and Chavchuveny are the only ones strong enough to deal the blow! We have scraped, fought and clawed our way into this position and we will show the whole world how our will is made of iron! Chavchuveny is going to war with Russia! For the Glory of Chavchuveny!
It is time...
That mission we took for shits and giggles? Yeah, eat it Russia. This is merely the entree to a feast of pain!
No! Not now! Shooo!
Don't be mad because I took your northern heartlands and spun it into a mis-spelled joke of a puppet kingdom! Such a sore loser!
Complacency? More like confidence!
Such nonsense, we ARE invincible!
WAR IS DECLARED! GOD IS WITH CHAVCHUVENY!
In the most Glorious year of 1739, Chavchuveny does the unthinkable, the impossible! We declare war on the perfidious and evil Russia! What a glorious day! The streets ring with cheers as Chavchuveny sends its sons onto the field of honour to DESTROY the one true threat to our fair and proud civilization. We will bring the Russian bear to heel and make them pay for the insults they have heaped upon the motherland! GLORY TO CHAVCHUVENY!

The final preparation is the causus belli we use. We could declare for one of our claims and launch a limited, tactical war. But limited wars are for the weak! AND CHAVCHUVENY IS NOT WEAK! CHAVCHUVENY WILL SWEEP OVER SIBERIA LIKE A TIDAL WAVE OF DEATH AND BURN MOSCOW TO THE GROUND! WE WILL FORCE THE TSAR TO BEND HIS KNEE ON THE ASHES OF THE KREMLIN! CHAVCHUVENYYYYYYYYYY!
The calm before the storm...
Mercenaries wait with baited breath for the Russian response, ready to scorch the earth and hide behind the safety of our fortresses. We will bait Russia into the Chavchuveny wilderness and it will devour them whole...
The armies arrayed against us...
Chavchuveny can match Russia man for man, but the treacherous Russians have feeble European allies. Let them come! These European dandies don't know true cold...

What has Chavchuveny unleashed upon herself? Can she emerge victorious from this bloodbath? Is Chavchuveny reindeer artillery more powerful than Russian bear cavalry? Find out next time in Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR!

Next chapter:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

Chavchuveny! A Siberian AAR Part 16

Images: 33, author: Blorktronics, published: 2017-02-01

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