The Reds Part 4: A Dithmarschen AAR

Author: Yoper101
Published: 2017-02-02

Part of the campaign:

The Reds: A Dithmarschen AAR

Previous part:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds Part 3: A Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 26, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-02-02

It has become apparent to me that this AAR is nowhere near as funny as it should be. I am yet to encounter a reader who has spluttered tea all over their PC monitor, lost control of their sides, or dropped from their swivel chair to roll around on the floor whilst laughing. Worst of all, nobody has 'LOL'd' yet.

This calls for a state of emergency in the Dithmarschen AAR department. A meeting of top level proto-comrades has been called for. The very best sub-atomic particles in their fields are gathered together*. No decision was reached. Protons, no matter how communistic they are, cannot talk.

So I'm just going to show you a picture of Europe in 1593 and say LOL BBB SO OP ROFL! Baguette! Fromage! Omelette!

*Side note: This has more to do with gravity (probably) than particles actually possessing sentience [citation needed].
Pope Wars Episode Seven: Taking the Mickey

Side Note: After I upload this AAR, I'm going to the cinema to watch Rogue One.
I just fabricated a claim on Magdeburg. Brandenburg is trying to ruin my fun.
Denmark seems to have gotten themselves into a bit of a bind. If France shows any signs of stomping them, I'll move in and grab Lubek.
France is certainly showing signs of internal issues. They're probably going to lose the south of England at this rate.
Hesse ended up at war with Brandenburg, and took all the land I wanted. For shame, Hesse, for shame.
With Hungary busy fighting the Commonwealth, I decide to go after Ruppin instead. Taking more than that will give me a co-coalition, so this is going to be a quick one.
While you look at that peace deal, here's an interesting historical tidbit. The Japanese Emperor during WWII, Hirihowee Abooto, was forbidden in the final peace that America forced upon Japan to declare War, or to own a Waifu. This final part was added to the treaty by Douglass McArthur, citing concerns that 'She's mine, not his'.
Back to the action! France just murdered the combined forces of Norway, Denmark and Gamedevland so I think I can declare war also, without fear of casualties.
The above image is an example of faked Feudalist propaganda. They claim that the nobleman is inherently superior to the Peasant, which means that they can win any fight. The people of Dithmarschen, however, have been correctly informed that this is a lie propagated by Gamedevlandish Kings, who are most renowned for dying in battle*.

*Lookin' at you Gustav and Karl.
Go get em France!
The Commonwealth decided that they don't want to fight, just to siege up all of Gamedevland's provinces... Those sneaky bastards.*

*But it is a good plan. It was MY plan. Then France went somewhere else.
Speaking of France and Somewhere Else. Here they are, draining manpower again.
France decided to get rid of their army in a more efficient manner.
So I helped them and we won. It turns out that particles are really good a shooting guns. Don't ask how. It's not nice.
Finally, I got the wargoal.
The people in Hamburg have began to buy things that were 'made in Mingsplosion'. They seem to be cheap knockoffs of superior European products, but it gives Hamburg a huge trade power boost, so I'm not complaining.
Finally, I manage to bring the Danes to peace. I can't get rid of their personal unions; both nations are too big now, so I contented myself with cutting their power projection, and hoping that Liberty Desire will do the rest at some point.
French land is flipping back to English, which is good because I am still their ally.
The Pope wars have earned a lot of money it seems.
War with the Ottomans went as well as can be expected. Russia didn't join in yet again. I won a few battles, but the Commonwealth was pretty trash.
Time for a nice little conquest to cheer the particles of Dithmarschen up. Well, hopefully not all of them get cheered up. Protons need some down in them, or they fall apart.
Livonia joined in, so I took Osel from them. Anything else would result in bordergore, you see.
There we go, Koln finally surrenders.
And now let's finish this part of the AAR off where we started; trying to conquer Magdeburg.
There we have it. Dithmarschen is now big and totally dominates in trade power in Lubek. I should probably screenshot that at some point. If anyone can spot my deliberate mistake in this screenshot, please tell everyone else, because there's nothing quite like getting called out on something over the internet.

Speaking of which, this time I must leave you with a quote from British World War 2 computing engineer, Alan Turing: 'Y ynventyd the Ynternet, so ye reely shud tryst me when Y say nyt to belyve all ye reed on yt.'

Next chapter:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds Part 5: A Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 33, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-02-02

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