The Reds Part 5: A Dithmarschen AAR

I've spent the beginning part of this AAR setting myself up as a strong nation. By this point, Dithmarschen is making about 50 ducats a month on trade alone. We have over four hundred development, our generals are consistently good, and our meme game is currently five out of seven.

Being in such a strong position, I think it's time to actually go for this sucker and form Proto-Communist Germany.

I want Koln before Burgundy grabs it for themselves, so the next target of the proto-revolution is England.

What do you mean by Trier? That's clearly England's flag.

It's not England's soldiers though. They'd be beating proto-Germany if that army was really English.

While you all look at how badly I underestimated the number of enemies I'd end up fighting, have a historical fact; the English have not lost a single battle. Ever. We make up for it by sucking at Football. In fact, if Joan of Arc hadn't invented really high stakes betting, England would still rule half of France.

It takes my combined forces to fight off just half of the various German states (and Riga) that are arrayed against me.

I need a bigger stick.

This particular war goes back and forth for some time. The AI is pretty retarded when it comes to choosing where to fight, but I'm bleeding manpower and can only keep this up for so long.

With Burgundy's help I manage to force the largest enemy nation out of the war.

Finally, fake England accepts peace. I take my claim of Berg and also Koln. Somehow I was able to rival fake England before the war, so that helped with restocking on my power projection.

Since I've become so large, I am beginning to worry less about aggressive expansion. Only the HRE nations are mad at me right now, so as long as I keep Denmark and France placated, I should be alright.

Why do you do this to me, you ambiguously named Commonwealth. I seriously considered saying no. But then I realised that to get to me, France would need to walk through Burgundy, so as long as I peace Friesland out quickly, I should be good.

A loan? Isn't that a thing you get from a bank? I thought it was called Rightfully Ours In The First Place if it comes from an African tribe*.

*Or anyone who isn't white and Christian really.

Another loan? I really didn't think the AI would actually use that feature. Perhaps it was implemented in that huge AI overhaul that came with Rights of Man.

Castile's joined in now, but Austria and Freisland were peaced out pretty quickly. Safe in the knowledge that I'm not going to be invaded, the people of Dithmarschen go back to focusing on the Rights of Protons*.

*The much smaller, but more positive 7th edition of Paine's book.

Someone was asking earlier how to get decent rulers as a republic. See how my guy is only 32? Re-elect him, or someone about as young as him. You'll have him as a 6/6/6 by the time he's 57, and he should live much longer than that, so long as you don't stick him in front of an army.

Well that was unexpected. Thanks Portugal. That makes this war much more balanced.

Yet another loan is offered. Do these people think that I'm not rolling in money?

The sea has sacked my capital. Poseidon was the Ancient Greek god of the sea, and also of horses. The Horde nations of the late Medieval period loved riding around on horses and sacking capital cities. Isn't it obvious? The sea is in fact...

Half Life Three!

All this time and nobody suspected a thing. It even rhymes.

I decide to take on the French myself. I'm getting bored of having lower trade income because I can't send out my light ships. This war needs to end soon.

There, we won. Note my financial state and just how important trade is to Dithmarschen.

Oh, come on Commonwealth. You've got to peace out now.

It has been several months. The Commonwealth still thinks they need to carpet siege France and leave themselves exposed to attack from the Ottomans.

At last.

Lets actually take Magdeburg this time.

Magdeburg status: Taken.

Since I'm willing to risk the Aggressive Expansion, I decide to move on Brandenburg and take Berlin.

My great generals ensure that the war takes less than a year, and we also get a sweet amount of cash for our efforts.

It actually cost more than 50 AE to take Berlin*. I would've stirred a few straws even if I was on 0 when I took the province.

*After the HRE extra AE buff is AP PL IED. B4 then IT was ON LY 44.

No surprises here, everyone move along. Its just a commonly sighted co-coalition.

China.

Lets have a look at the progress I've made. I've cored five of the provinces needed to form Germany, and there are ten left for me to catch. The easiest for me to go after now are Frankfurt, Thuringen and Hessen, but I'm still some way away from taking the southern provinces, like Augsburg and Munchen. At this rate, I'll defiantly get the achievement. Hopefully the game doesn't throw a wrench at me, like France joining the co-coalition or something.

I just noticed this cool title that Freisland has, so I decided to look it up.

It seems that the Grand Pensionary was practically the most important person in the Netherlands, second only to the Stadtholder (steward). Lots of places in the Netherlands had Pensionaries at the time, but the one from Holland was considered the most important by other nations, so they called him the Grand Pensionary.

Also, the people of Freisland keep on getting babbling buffoons as their leader. I think it's because they speak fake Bog German.

Pope One: A pope wars story.

I was going to make a joke, but on second thought, some people may not have seen Rogue One yet. Seriously though, go and see it. The story is solid, the laughs are tasteful, the action is great and you'll be really impressed by the CGI.

Side Note: I am not employed by Disney. Heil Mickey.

I've taken quantity ideas now, so I can flesh out my army a bit. I want a war with Frankfurt soon, but first I really should let my AE cool off, or I'll face a war that I might not be able to win.

So I think I'll end it here with a quote from World War 2 fighter pilot Chuck Yeager: 'The first time I saw One horse open sleigh, I shot it down.'