The Reds Part 3: A Dithmarschen AAR

'Comrades! The glorious revolution is progressing to new heights. We have began printing proto-manifestos to enlighten the preliterate masses and show them the world as it should be. So workers, rise; rise up and seize the means of production! Throw off your feudal chains and abolish the great oppressor of serfdom. And then we shall march to the sea and stain the land red with the blood of those who think to stamp us down. Then we shall sail across the sea and bring our enlightened ways to the distant savages, and all shall be equal and despair.'

-Some drunk beggar, 1550

Dithmarschen's strength lies in seizing the means of production, and thanks to whatever AI was in control of Pomerania, Stettin had, like, twelve productions to seize.

We stackwiped the Pomeranian army. For a socialist country, we're getting awfully good at this war business.

As you can see, Stettin cost me over 40 AE. That's why I did nothing for the last few years.

The holy leagues kick off. I decide to hold back from joining until one side has a clear advantage.

Pope Wars Episode Six: Return of the Mitre.

For the first of many times, the Russians decide to make the clearly superior tactical choice and not attack the Ottomans when they are busy fighting the Commonwealth. Russia, you're clearly a retarded nation unworthy of Proto-Communism.

The Codex Comitus does not support insulting the Soviets.

We are going to exploit sauce. Or we were going to at least. Exploiting savages is so much more fun and morally upright!

Just a quick look at my Ideas*.

* Dithmarschener people are not that good at having ideas, which is why we only have twenty-nine so far. This is because most ideas are gently discouraged** by the benevolent*** Syndic of the Glorious Democratic Workers Free Red Party Headquaters of Dithmarschen.

**Brutally suppressed

***Despotic

Poland won't join in, so it's time to cut the Adeptus down to size before they get the chance to Into Space.

I'm still recovering from all the AE I took while eating Stettin, so I restrain myself to cutting Brandenburg's alliances and putting myself into a strong position for when the truce ends.

Another one? Come on, I've even stopped making bad puns. That one about the Space Marines? That was SUBTLE!

Sub-atomic particles all over Dithmarschen have started hugging printing presses. They form nice orderly queues down the street in front of the local printery just to get the chance to hug some technologically advanced tables and let them know they are appreciated. The printing presses themselves declined to comment.

Desmond's actually exiled to the Americas now.

I finally decide to join the Protestant league. We've got Russia, France, England and the Commonwealth on our side, so I think we should win once Bohemia declares the war.

I decide to ally the Commonwealth, since everyone in the HRE hates my guts, and isn't going to stop anytime soon. Thanks O-Austria.

I'm pretty much constantly ahead of time in technology. Any spare points go into developing provinces, or more Mercantilism.

My truce with Brandenburg has ended. They picked up some more allies, but none of them are really threatening.

See? No problem.

Problem.

But we won in the end, which is all that matters. We took three provinces and cut them in half to make future wars easier for us.

We help our new allies with a quick war against Hungary.

So Dithmarschen has grown strong enough to defeat even Brandenburg, but our quest to form a Proto-Socialist Germany has barely started. We only control 2 of the provinces we need, and there are many more alliance blocks I need to get around before I have a chance of taking them.

This time I'll leave you with the words of British war hero, Neville 'Ned' Chamberlain; 'No, Hitler's intentions are entirely peaceful. That's why he's building up his army, navy and air force. He's just double-bluffing us with his Rhineland, Anschluss and Sudetenland; you'll see'.

Bonus! Granada wrecking Castile.

Go little dude!

Side note: At this point, I began getting the 'can't write to save file' bug, so I reverted to a backup. I forgot to take screenshots, so the next update'll be missing a baker's dozen of years. I have the screenshots of what originally happened, but not what happened in the backed-up game, which is the one I've had to continue with.