The Reds Part 2: A Dithmarschen AAR

Author: Yoper101
Published: 2017-02-02

Part of the campaign:

The Reds: A Dithmarschen AAR

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Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds: A Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 39, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-02-02

From the point of view of the Franco-Mechatron
From the point of view of the Glorious Democratic Workers Free Red Party Headquaters of Dithmarschen
The Reds: A Dithmarschen AAR Part 2
So being allies with England didn't work out so well in the end. It turns out that the 'Navy' part of 'Royal Navy' was left out of the English budget for the last 50 years. I'll need to find some more reliable not-proto-communists to throw at my enemies.

Side note: about fifteen years have passed, I took one province and converted to Protestantism.
An increased desire to find other people to oppress has gripped Portugal. This is probably because they lost their North African land to Morocco.
I chose to ally Burgundy, since it's past 1500, so they won't suddenly turn into Spain or Austria.
France won pretty hard against England.
Christianity just got a whole lot more complex with the introduction of Reformdism. Reformdism does not exist any more, since even the most devout followers of the faith could not state its name without bursting out laughing. It has been replaced with the less silly name of Belgium.
I decided to turn on one of my former allies, because it would give me a bigger name.
Whoa, this message scared me for a moment. Then I looked at the diplo map and breathed a sigh of relief.
Hah, my general was blown up by his own cannons. Much like what happened to Benito Mussolini during his invasion of Spain.
Whenever a nation asks me how much money it would take to get my soldiers to go away, I tell them 'All of it'.
If anybody is wondering about how much inflation I have, they can rest assured that it is somewhere around one*.

*One in this case refers to the number of D's in Dithmarschen's credit rating
And finally my nation has nice borders.

That will not last; the Glorious Motherland will soon encompass all (Germans)!
France has had this army sat in Champagne for quite some time now... I wonder what their manpower is?
HAH! They have none! They lost more men than Roosevelt did in Russia!
Some atheists attacked my Protestant people. What do you mean Catholic rebels? They can't be Catholic. Christians are non-violent.
To get around more alliance blocks, I attack Pomerania, with the goal of annexing Rostock.
The Pomeranian army is retarded.
That one was pretty easy. Dithmarschen is looking less like a failed state and more like a glorious motherland every passing day*.

*By 'every passing day', the writer actually means 'whenever my aggressive expansion drops back below 30.'
I cut Pomerania's alliances. They over-developed Stettin, and since it's in my home trade node and has a river estuary, I want it soon.
Pope Wars Episode Three: Revenge of the Pontiff
Munster looks lonely without allies... I'd better teach them the ways of Socialism; then the world will be their ally.
If the Potatoes won't come to Ireland, Ireland'll go in search of the Potatoes.

Side Note: The trade resource they found might look like coffee beans, but it is not. It takes an expert eye to distinguish the difference between a raw potato and a coffee bean.
In the meantime, Munster's given me their land and their souls.
Now it's time to go after Pomerania. I don't want Brandenburg cutting my nice neat borders in half, so I want to take both Strausland and Greifswald in this war.
Brandenburg hates me anyway... I just lost the alliance. Ah well, it was nice while it lasted.
Pomerania gives me what I want. Look at those lovely borders!
Oh yes, I've had that mission for some time now. Events always managed to keep me below 0 prestige ever since I lost to France.

This capitalist game is trying to keep the Glorious Workers Subatomic Partycles down, but soon it will learn that nothing can stop the revolution!
Pope Wars Episode 4: A new Pope

Side note: Terrible puns are punishable by death in Dithmarschen. So far, this AAR has had at least seventy writers.
The people in Ostfreisland woke up this morning with a sudden and compelling desire to subjugate, enslave, and administer Smallpox to the inferior peoples living next door. The next great cultural and technological advance has arrived!
We have embraced the heart of darkness.

Side note: seventy-one writers.
Aww, I missed Pope Wars Episode Five: The Christ Strikes Not. Spoiler alert: God's his father.
I want a hat like that.
England. No. I'm in the middle of an invasion here.
Speaking of that invasion, it's going well.
Going really well. I'll leave things off here now that Dithmarschen is looking strong, and has a bigger name than Denmark. And in the words of Philippe Pétain: 'Never trust a Frenchman'.

Next chapter:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds Part 3: A Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 26, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-02-02

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