Civ Hybrid Game Mk.VII Part Seven: A Lesson on Persistence

Intro slide: Howdy dickheads and welcome to the 4th Annual Civ Hybrid Games! What’s that you say, it’s not annual? Well how about you ignore that minor technical detail as we get right into things.

Slide 1. Moving right into the action we see the campaign in Northern Egypt. Nubt is flipped and given a fucking stupid name. Abydos was wiped completely off the map. Samurai and Conquistadors charge into Egypt as the main Byzantine force prepares to take Nekhen.

lide 2. Moving on quickly to another war the Byzantines are involved in, we see the Omani force around the former Assyrian cities, ready to march on Phoenicia. Unfortunately for them, the Phoenician cities seem well defended.

Slide 3. Looking at the East of Byzantium, we see mostly uninteresting nonsense. However, a few Georgian rebels are having a crack at Gori. That’s a laugh.

lide 4. At first glance the Persian core is completely uninteresting but upon closer inspection, we see that it’s a hotbed of religious nonsense. Samail, Mari and Ecbatana are all Pesedjet while Babylon of all places is good Roman Catholic. All under the Celestial Emperor, of course.

Slide 5. The Omanis continue to spam coastal cities in Iran for some reason. Not sure why, but it’s funny. Watch out Babylon, they’re out for blood.

Slide 6. Omani sand isn’t looking particularly sandy, but city for city they’re not doing that great.

Slide 7. Now this is an Empire. Good land for growth and production. Egyptian macroecon is full of shit.

Slide 8. We see here the land of Literally Who? Lordie’s renamed his CS to some nonsense while the Georgians meme around the Caspian.

Slide 9. Southern Egypt is doing well despite how much the war has ravaged the North. It’s still not the best of clay though.

Slide 10. I feel like there were more Omani troops here a minute ago. Checks slide. Yeah, it seems they went on vacation or something instead of doing their job. I dunno.

Slide 11. The fighting is fierce and the mercs decide to peace out up the Nile instead of actually contributing. Except for that Samurai, what a lad.

Slide 12. Nekhen falls anyway to superior Roman arms. Omani thots BEGONE. Few too many pikes there for my liking, however.

Slide 13. Getting a touch overzealous, the troops go on a romp up the Nile after cleaning up. That’s probably not going to end up going well.

Slide 14. In the fact of rebel onslaught, the Georgians finish Petra. Because you know, deserts and shit.

Slide 15. Turns out Byzantine AI isn’t fucking retarded and consolidates to attack Yebu for some reason. Idk.

Slide 16. You’re a long way from home mate.

Slide 17. Nekhen consolidates and Yebu goes to yellow. That’s pretty interesting. Those nerds having a go at the capital is a laugh though.

Slide 18. The Phoenicians are not taking kindly to wanton aggression from the Omanis and are going on the offensive.

Slide 19. The offensive continues.

Slide 20. Yebu in the red before Byzantine swordsmen decide “Yeah nah fuck this I’m going home.”

Slide 21. Georgia and Persia continue to meme into the Steppe.

Slide 22. M A R E N O S T R U M. And a few random Prophets, I suppose.

Slide 23. Phoenician meme settle is being defended by that hero catapult from Omani aggression.

Slide 24. Phoenicia also finishes Oracle, for the culture I suppose. Now Aime’s riddle is ruined.

Slide 25. Roman soldiers decide besieging cities is for nerds and that throwing yourself onto pikes is the new strat. Also note the Phoenician meme settler and the Roman settler ready for that S U E Z

Slide 26. Oh shit the Omani army has come back from vacation to have a go at actually taking clay. Appropriating old Assyrian siege equipment it seems.

Slide 27. M A C H U P I C C H U

Slide 28. Oh shit, I just noticed New Shushan was actually renamed. Bruisky will be pleased.

Slide 29. The Omani offensive appears to have been blunted somehow. S T R O N K P H O E N I C I A

Slide 30. Persia settle the city of Rey for some reason. Must like the new Star Wars.

Slide 31. Turns out being stabbed isn’t fun so the Roman troops decide to fall back. Our settler Ai decided Horses are more important than Suez. They’re not really wrong.

Slide 32. Oh snap, the Omanis manage to actually attack a city but Phoenician reinforcements arrive to give them hell.

Slide 33. “Look at watashi, watashi wa the city now, gaijin.” -A Roman war hero.

Slide 34. Blah blah our cities are better than yours etc etc.

Slide 35. Beautiful Roman Catholic cities next to disgusting Orthodox cities. We should mend the schism tbh.

Slide 36. Georgia is really having a go at settling the Caspian. Lordie better look the fuck out.

Slide 37. Persian core, mostly uninteresting. Nothing cool happening.

Slide 38. Omani offensive completely blunted and repulsed. At least you tried.

Slide 39. One city knocked to yellow, but Phoenicia going strong.

Slide 40. We may be at war, but Egyptian city placement is very aesthetically pleasing. Also of note: Nubt, now Alexandria has doubled in population since Roman occupation. Truly it is the Egyptians who are the fakest of news.

Slide 41. Still aesthetically pleasing.

Slide 42. Does anyone even care about this shitty clay that aren’t the Omanis?

Slide 43. See above.

Slide 44. Oh no, actually decent Omani clay. What a travesty.

Onwards: Blah blah religion, blah blah stats Byzantium leads in. I’ve been your host Supe and I hope you tune in next time for another exciting episode of CHGBall Z.