The Reds Part 7: A Dithmarschen AAR

Author: Yoper101
Published: 2017-07-04, edited: 1970-01-01
Puns and Communists. What could be worse?

Part of the campaign:

The Reds: A Dithmarschen AAR

Previous part:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds Part 6: A Really Old Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 33, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-06-27

'What's up boys and girls it's me your favourite EU4 personality Yoper101 and I am here to explain to you how to get free loot skin boxes with the cheat code on legitwebsite.sellout if you enter the code "Yoper101isafunnyperson" because you all really mean a lot to me and I care that each and every one of you are getting the best value for money on your loot skin boxes.'

'But that's all I need to say for now, so let's get into game with some hip and happening and super pun maymays related to Europa Universalis 4: PC edition.'

That was painful to write.

While you recover from the pain of reading that, please take notice of the combined age and ruler trait of my newly elected Syndic. His votes will be rigged for years to come!
My old ally Burgundy is no longer my ally, and I didn't really notice until now. He's in a PU under Hesse. That's not going to last long.
Things are going to get stale for a few years because the rest of the HRE hates me. I'm pretty sure that I could take them, and with the Commonwealth I definitely can, but I want my next military tech because it's a big one.
Just a quick reminder; Europe looks like this now. I know most of you are not used to seeing that huge landmass in the south, but this game is set before Ethiopia dropped a nuke on Italy.
Speaking of technology, I just got the big one that I was waiting for. It literally doubled the fire damage of my cannons.
And with that tech advance, the coalition disbanded.
Most of them still hate me. I guess they just figured that the proto-communist man is superior to anyone else.
I still can't go to war, however. Proto-communism must show the world that we obey international law, because otherwise other nations may begin to ignore international law in respects to us – something no decent communist nation would allow!*

*This one actually might be too subtle.
I'm low on puns. Russia is RUSSIAN towards the pacific with a war against Asia’s buffer state.

Geddit? Russian. Rushing?
Granada. I'm as surprised as you are.
I get permanent navies. Woo, my trade is worth even more.
While I wait, the English decided to spice matters up with a jolly little war to suppress the tenants in the North. There's nothing I like more than collecting the rent!
Our fire ticks are going over well. Right over the heads of my soldiers and right over the new graves of enemy soldiers.
I have lots of trade boats because I'm a trade-based nation. Why did I take this screenshot again?
Since I joined the war, the coalition slowly put itself back together. The other nations around the world must have lost their fear of the Proto-communist man. Probably because Protons cannot be observed without equipment that had not been invented in 1675.*

*Side note. This is why you have not noticed the Dithmarschen world conquest. They have occupied every single nation on earth. Scientists have only just began to discover this, but when I asked a scientist if he was worried by sub-atomic subversion, he punched me in the face and kicked me out of his house. I think he's in on it.
Utrecht surrenders. I get money. Nothing new here.
I realise that I might need to help England win this, so I begin to put together a fleet of transports. Y'know; the thing that England never does.
Utrecht surrenders. I get money. Nothing new here.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not changing it.
Also, my truces with the rest of the HRE have ended, but I want to finish this war before I get involved in that hot mess.
Ok, the native Americans are no longer loaning soldiers to each other. Why do I need to know this?
Burgundy got independent. I immediately snap them up as an ally*.

*Buffer state against France.
In North England, the English are giving the Vagrants a battering.
Also, as an Englishman who occasionally goes on holiday, I am disappointed that Cumbria is a 'Forest'. and not either 'Hills' or 'Highlands'.

Then again, it could be 'Urban' with the number of cars there. Yes, even in 1677, before the automobile had been invented, tourists were queuing up to visit Windamere. They're still in the queue now, actually. So am I, from my holiday last autumn. We ran out of food three weeks ago. Send help.
Huh. My epic leader just got a downside.
Vagrants, please surrender.
At last. That took a year longer than it needed to.
Frankfurt sees that I pose NO THREAT. So I will declare war on them. The communist partycles always do the unexpected! Right now they're particles, but tomorrow, ah tomorrow, they might be wave forms! Truly masters of deception they are.
Apparently somebody still cares about this.
I waited a little to get my affairs in order, but I'm now ready to declare war. This will be quick and easy and enraging for the peoples of the HRE.
Utrecht surrenders. I get money. Nothing new here.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not changing it.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not changing it either.
Hah! Russia actually lost land to Chagatai.
Utrecht surrenders. I get money. Nothing new here.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not changing it.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not changing it either.

Side note: I copied and pasted that. I'm not going to change that one either.
I grab 3 provinces off Frankfurt. The HRE despises me now, but nobody else cares.
Does the AI actually think this does anything?
Communism is now reckoned amongst the great powers of the world. I will do my best to spread the revolution far and wide!
I get a military tech and…
… AND THEN THE WINGED HUSSARS ARRIVED!
'…See the Caroleans standing tall

Conquer lands and slaughter all…'
So, Europe is a little grumpy, but this is as bad as it's going to get right now. I do want to capture Riga at one point though…
Achievement progress update! I just need 6 provinces. Two of them are owned by the Palatinate, and the other four are owned by Bavaria. I am well on course for par, and I might even make a birdie and grab some extra land before I'm done.
And let's take a look at the world, since we've not done that in a while.

That's it for this update. If you want to like comment follow upvote repost subscribe add me on patreon or send me a carrier pigeon, then don't bother because I won't tell you how to do those things.

'Peace out!' - Alexander the Great, on his deathbed.

Next chapter:

Game: Europa Universalis IV

The Reds Part 8: A Dithmarschen AAR

Images: 24, author: Yoper101, published: 2017-07-18, edited: 1970-01-01

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