Utter Frenchness - Part 3

Published: 2019-01-26, edited: 2019-01-26
Civilization VI played badly on a large map with a childish stereotype of a French approach to life guiding the decisions.

Part 3 - In which the French remain aloof and even slightly sleepy while the rest of Europe goes bananas, some new oddballs introduce themselves and France gets bigger with a satisfactory lack of effort on the part of the French.

Part of the campaign:

Utter Frenchness

Previous part:

Game: Civilization VI, Sid Meier's

Utter Frenchness - Part 2

Images: 39, author: SavageRoderick, published: 2019-01-25

Even this bit is starting to take its time.
Had anyone else noticed that the text changes when you reload in a new era? It seems very cruel to old Sean.
I imagine they phoned all his wives and told them they wouldn't hear from him for few weeks and then just locked him in a recording studio. Maybe they let him out for a bit of a weld every few days but there was a lot to get through.
Not all of it makes any sense either. Maybe I've been too harsh on the man, its not his fault that these bits are traditionally almost nonsensical.
I will continue to mute him while it loads though.
We return to see elements of the victorious French army snooping around Spain.
A delegation dropped in on Gorgo. None of what they brought as gifts were clothes.
France, looking very healthy and now a Classical Republic. Law's made tiles cheaper, increased production and supplied extra city state envoys. The last of these was chosen in the hope of getting the dangerous Swiss and all their archers on side.
Unfortunately, all these laws upset Big Fred who didn't have any yet.
He's an odd chap isn't he?
Piqued, if not actually bothered, the French gave Fred's lemons and some change to Trajan in return for some marble and open borders. He was much calmer this time. One of his flunkies explained that he'd been listening to the Stone Roses for about a month.
Concerned about Fred's moodswings and guessing that Trajan would run out of green sooner rather than later, the Parisiens started work on an encampment East of the city.
The famous Jean Reno docked at Marseille and handed over some letters of introduction to the French authorities. They recommended the rest of the French not expect much.
The Parisien decision to start work on defences had been unusually forward thinking and energetic. That it was far too late was not their fault, but it did mean they never attempted anything similar again.
Fred's archers were at the border straight away.
The French troops already in place got started, feeling really quite confident.
Far more were on the way. Was Fred (as Gorgo likely was at the time, if more deliberately) absolutely fucking himself here?
Oui. It really did seem that Fred had gone mad. But then something happened that explained at least some of his previous ramblings.
The French had no idea what to make of this and weren't exactly pleased with the crew of the famous Jean Reno for not providing more of an explanation. They were very busy invading Germany, so didn't dwell on it. She really did seem to know her fruit though.
They began to advance on Frankfurt, dealing expertly with the German cavalry. Rumours circulated that Rome had denounced Fred and that mad Phil had built the Oracle.
Progress was being made when someone else the famous Reno had passed on the French's address to appeared.
There was something off about him but he brought caviar and booze and didn't seem completely unhinged.
Frankfurt fell without much of a struggle, which delighted Trajan for some reason. He was sharper than anyone had seen him in a long while and seemed to be up to something.
Meanwhile, Phil accidentally circumcised himself and decided to style it out. He also decided to denounce the French. They tried to care less than they did but it proved impossible.
Still not calmed down at all, he founded a new settlement.
A quick name change followed Fred's acceptance of peace and his ceding of the place formerly known as Frankfurt. France got another pile of cash and sarcastically sent Big Fred a delegation. The sarcasm was lost on him.
This is usually the part of a chapter when the French start inventing foodstuffs and engaging in marathon dining sessions. This time, the army had to wheel around to the North, because Vicky was up to something.
It seemed as if Cleo was in a good mood but the French actually didn't have time to puzzle it out. Rouen returned to its default in a crisis and started buying up land in case the English tried to settle and grab the long-awaited table cloth plants.
Things kicked off in the East as Trajan made a move against Big Fred. Everyone was losing it and it seemed Gorgo had worn through all the French gifts already and was in a huff:
She went on to denounce Rome and Russia as Trajan hit Fred's capital.
Which he took immediately. Suddenly France had a powerful eastern neighbour prone to moments of lucidity.
Trajan hurried off to attack another German city and also had produced a settler at Lugdunum. The French just wanted to relax but there was too much going on.
When will the French get some time to themselves? What is Vicky playing at coming to France and hanging about like that? The famous Jean Reno? Why can't they all just calm down? Is Trajan too powerful? More generally, what will happen next!?

Next chapter:

Game: Civilization VI, Sid Meier's

Utter Frenchness - Part 4

Images: 45, author: SavageRoderick, published: 2019-01-27

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