Utter Frenchness - Part 5

Published: 2019-01-27, edited: 2019-01-27
Civilization VI played badly on a large map with a childish stereotype of a French approach to life guiding the decisions.

Part 5 - Special Episode: In which the voyages of the Famous Jean Reno around the various seas are chronicled and the circumstances in which several foreigners were first met are revealed.

Part of the campaign:

Utter Frenchness

Previous part:

Game: Civilization VI, Sid Meier's

Utter Frenchness - Part 4

Images: 45, author: SavageRoderick, published: 2019-01-27

"They're going to put a cart in water!" one of the Parisien wits cackled.
"They seem to have forgotten that Sean Bean only granted the wet kind of birds the gift of floating!" added what passed for a scientist.
"They're complete idiots and I hope they'll die!" put in the guy who couldn't believe he was invited and always ruined the mood.
How they'd laughed. And to be fair to them at that point the Rouenians were only just past their earliest prototypes which had involved more rocks than later seemed reasonable.
Luckily they'd spotted and English ship passing by and had copied its innovative use of bits of tree and sworn never to admit it. It didn't look as if the English were having much luck at present.
The Jean Reno left the channel. They would have liked to carry on with their naval architecture espionage on the English (some among them were still sure the sowing-shitloads-of-ducks-together idea was a winner and wanted to find proof) but the first Spanish war had begun so they set off to see if they could contribute.
First, they discovered Lisbon. This was of no help since they were neutral.
Then they found Valencia, still just a village defended by catapults.
They had a crack at it.
Not a bad one either.
But Valencia recovered each turn. The Jean Reno did not and so set off to explore the Mediterranean. As they passed the Northern coast of Africa a smartarse on board hopped off and planted a sign that said 'Le France'. This was to cause much confusion later on.
South of Italy they found some scoundrels and Valletta. So far the Mediterranean hadn't been that interesting.
After a particularly boring dry bit...
Later study suggested that that was greeting fruit. The Jean Reno inspected her capital and then moved on, finding more things.
Thebes!
As the Jean Reno set off Northward, Cleo got in touch and said some positive fruit. No one knew why.
Heading up the Bosporus they found Gorgo's capital. She was happy to allow them through to the Black Sea
It wasn't long before they met someone new.
He seemed to be having some bother with scoundrels and someone else was attacking Gorgo.

Then, as they explored the coast of Anatolia, they found:
Other Thebes!
Deciding the Black Sea was a silly place the Jean Reno left. Gorgo made an obscene gesture as they passed and laughed hysterically as they sailed off into the horizon.
Peter had gotten drunk and headed them off when they landed one evening.
Once he'd passed out they took their chance to slip away. The rowing was enthusiastic.
They docked at Marseille, organised some repairs and left the their countrymen with only the vaguest idea of what to expect from the foreign leaders they'd met.
Just before they nonchalantly ignored Valencia as they sailed by, the crew received a news pigeon (a lifeline on these long voyages and perfectly palatable even served only with salt) reporting that Cleo the fruit lady had founded a new city.
They sailed away shaking their heads and trying not to be annoyed because it really wasn't their problem.
The thing was what she'd called the place.
She'd called it Thebes.
Africa was dull and there was nothing to distract the crew of the now Famous Jean Reno from the fact that half of the cities they had discovered had been called Thebes.
All the way back to Rouen all they found were islands full of tradesmen.
They arrived back in the channel and found that Vicky was up to whatever she was up to. Pretending not to notice they headed East.
The Famous Jean Reno approached Denmark and saw someone waving at them.
Gritting their teeth, the crew used their habitual assumption of diplomatic spokesmanship for their entire nation and signed an open borders agreement.
Good place name diversity was observed.
Harald made a complimentary comment about the Jean Reno. The crew repaid the favour by admiring one of his longships.
Then they set off to do what they'd intended initially, although by now the sowed-together-duck boat idea had lost its lustre.
Vicky had settled quite far North.
Bristol looked particularly chilly. Christmasy, even.
The Orkney and Shetland isles were empty enough as to not excite comment. They did spot a swanky English ship on the way home though.
They were on their way home now, the voyage that had made them Famous almost complete.
The Famous Jean Reno did a little circuit of Ireland, finding that Vicky had not made a success of colonising it.
They'd have to come up with something big to repeat this kind of success. That aside, their voyaging had given the rest of the French all kinds of ideas.

Next chapter:

Game: Civilization VI, Sid Meier's

Utter Frenchness - Part 6

Images: 50, author: SavageRoderick, published: 2019-01-28

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